Monday, April 1, 2013

March Roared In Like a Lion......and not in a good way.

March roared in like a lion for me this year. With the coming of March, also unexpected things happened and the most eye opening lessons learned as well. I was happy to bid March goodbye as even up until the very last second of that month, the lion still roared. I still hear the loud lengthy roar in my head and am most weary from it all.

Short version of the month past is the first of the month my husband fell ill and was hospitalized in ICU. He is better now and is feeling better, but not where I want him to be. That might have been just enough of out of the ordinary to handle, but that ole lion had other plans for the rest of the month. He decided to make his presence known around every turn and keep his paw in more than what should have been allowed. It has been a draining time. I know just because the month ended that does not mean the shadow of that lion is not still around. I hope his presence weakens and hope I have the courage to face whatever the shadow cast on our walls.

With that being said, I certainly learned a lot from the month of March. Sometimes it takes a crises to open our eyes at what we choose not to see. It is easy to overlook what you really don't want to face and pretend things are not as they are. What the Month of March taught me are listed below, a reminder if I need to re-read them as I keep thinking of days ahead.

1. I learned that my thoughts on growing older have been easier to handle by totally ignoring any of the signs that presented themselves to me. It is easier to dismiss what you don't want to see or acknowledge, then it is to face it head on. I remember feeling utter shock as I sat in my husbands hospital room and wondered how and when we became "old". did that happen....the only way to describe that was shock. I learned that our hourglass has run out of sand and now it is time to face the music and do something about all the things we have ignored. Total wake up call.

2. I learned that the people who should be there for you in a crisis won't be. I also learned it is in those who you would never expect to fill those shoes do so and do it so willingly. I also learned that it does not matter how much you have done for individuals in the past, how much time you have invested in them, how much thought and love went into trying to enrich their lives and make their life easier when they needed it. You can never expect the same in return. It is better to expect nothing. Less hurt that way. (I also know it is not in the things that I have done that should make me deserving of anything. It is just when the people who you would expect to be there in some capacity, and when they are get the idea.)

3. I learned where I focus a lot of my time is time wasted. I learned that things that occupy my free time is not what is really important in the grand scheme of things. I am making adjustments.

4. I learned that my own fear is crippling. So much so it clouds good judgement. So much so, that no matter the fact, I know what I need to do, it is so hard to take that first step. I am a work in progress. I need to find the courage and find it quick.

5. I learned that everyone will not respect your story as your own. After much thought, I am not sure it is a lack of respect of the story, but of the people themselves. I find that folks want to know all the details of a crisis, not because it is any of their business, but simply they want to have something to go tell every person they can think of from the far regions. Funny thing is, these are the same people who demand respect for their particular stories and expect them not to be told. I have a dear friend who in passing told me she did not give out any details of what was going on...she told me it was not her story to tell. Respect and care for me was her concern. She really has no idea how this radiated with me. I know the value of this friend.

6. I learned that from now on, when I offer to help someone and ask if there is anything I can do, I know that question is just is not enough. I learned that when a person is going through something hard, they have no idea what they need. Seriously. I told caller after caller that I did not need anything but thanks anyway. Luckily, some folks decided they would take matters into their own hands. They provided exactly what I (we) needed even with strong protest from me in the process. I told myself that I would never ask again....I would put something into action. Big lesson learned here.

7. I learned to never take for granted the people who fill your heart with happiness....because it can all come crashing down in a blink of an eye.

8. I learned that life is so short and for years I have overlooked that fact and lived like I had all the time in the world. I am so fearful I won't have the time left to do all I had hoped to do. Make each day count...we are never ever guaranteed another day after this one.

9. I learned that there are things that happen that can not be explained where others understand them. It is not a part of their story and if they choose not to believe like you do that is ok. If I have learned one thing about myself it would be I am gifted many unusual things that occur in my life and it is because I am open to the unexplainable and I believe and see the meaning when they occur. It is a blessing.

10. I learned that no matter how heavy your heart is, no matter how tired you are, no matter how fearful you are of the truth, no matter how you feel you can't take another step towards the unknown - you can. You must. You will.

I am expecting that lion to decide to sleep again soon and things return to how I would prefer them to be. This photo sorta sums up how I feel about that....better keep a look out for that lion even if he decides to sleep....he might be peaking around the corner of his eye. 

Things very well may be different than what I had a month ago, but different is better than not at all. Here's hoping for a wonderful Spring as we welcome in April and hoping I don't hear that roar in my head for a while.


  1. I'm so very sorry, I didn't know that you were going through all of this as I have been MIA from blogland recently. Dear Suzanne I hope and pray that the lion is gone, never to return. I pray your husbands health improves and that he will be by your side soon. You have made a wonderful list and I can remember that I felt some of those same things (#2) after I had a heart attack. We can be strong and like you said we will, we must. Take care dear ones and know that I am thinking and praying for you both.

  2. Suzanne, thinking of you and your family. It's miraculous how we human beings can have such resiliency through the hard times. I believe sometimes when we are challenged, we realize that we shouldn't take anything for granted. I hope your husband is on the road to recovery so you can live a long and healthy life together. You'll be in my prayers.

  3. Wow. A lot of lessons learned. I hope things continue to improve for your husband. Moving into this stage of our lives is going to take some adjusting. Hugs

  4. I am so sorry for what you have gone through! Thank you for confirming some things I have done this past month, We had three members of our church who's mothers passed away. When I tried organizing meals for the family I was told to ask if they wanted them! Of course they wanted them, they just did not know it yet! (I lost my dad last year) The first man, his wife insisted no meals, they were fine, so I made cookies for him and he started crying when I gave them to him. Now I know, thanks to you, not to ask and just do what I feel like the Lord is telling me to do.

  5. Take care, hoping better days are ahead for you and your family!

  6. Suzzanne - I think you speak to a lot of us who have been through tough times. It does force you to become a grown up (whether we want to or not) and it does open your eyes to what is important.I have struggled through the past year myself and unfortunately one of my lessons learned is that you need to create your own support system and not depend on those you think will always be there (like your family). I am so fortuate to have wonderful friends and children who came forward for me. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers and pray that the nasty lion stays in his cage.

  7. Unfortunately we often learn life lessons in times of crisis. I have always been a firm believer in asking for help. We have no family near us and I have a husband that works way too much so I have had to ask friends and neighbours for help many times. I have also given lots of help in times of need to others too. Sometimes they haven't asked for it but are very thankful when help arrives. Chin up, spring is here. Remember to take a bit of time to your self.

  8. Sad but true...sometimes life just stinks. Hang in there...lamb days are coming!!

  9. Important lessons learned and I hope you come out stronger from all this. Praying for you and your husband! Spring will bring renewal!
    hugs, Linda

  10. Sickness, upheaval, these are trying times. Be sure to take care of yourself. And one foot in front of the other - will always move you forward. Wishing you some peace.

  11. Suzanne, sorry for your pain. I have not been around much for many of the same reasons. If I would have known I would have been there for you. Take care of yourself!

  12. It's always shocking to find out who does or doesn't stand by your side.....not just friends but family as well.

    My daughter and I are both amazed at some of our friends who just want our story for them to tell.

    I'll pray for peaceful, quiet days for you and all of us. Rub that lion's tummy so he stays asleep.


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