Tell Me Tuesday

Welcome to Tell Me Tuesday.....First off the title is a bit deceiving.....it really is not about you telling me anything.... but answering a question truthfully and maybe telling yourself a little something you had not thought about.

I'd love for you to join me each week, and copy the question onto your blog and answer the question....and link back here. I am sure it will be interesting how there will be many different answers to the same question.....and hopefully give each of us something to think about as this new year progresses. My thought is so many people (including myself) are looking for some answers to various things. I have a feeling that the answers are inside needing to be jiggled loose and maybe a question posed a certain way will have a cause and effect in a good way. We will see how it goes! I have committed to this once a week for the whole year of 2012. I'd love for you to take the challenge with me!

I am keeping the rules simple...I'd love to watch this grow as the year goes on.

1. Grab the button on the sidebar if you like so others can find this new writing experience each week.

2. Once you link in, visit the person who linked in before you and leave them a comment. It would be great to visit and leave comments for as many as you can. But at least try and leave the person ahead of you in the link a comment of support.

3. Please link back to my blog and mention Tell Me Tuesday somewhere in your POST. That is it....easy.

Most of all, look at this writing experience with an open mind. Sometimes the questions will be hard...and require some thought. That is a good thing. Other times it will be easy. ( This week...I think is easy....but I can not promise that each week ) You can add photos, or whatever you like to your post. It is about you after all. ~ Thanks for joining me.....I hope you enjoy this each week.


Week One Question: ( In keeping with the new year)

What is your number one goal for the next six months?

____________________________________________________

The number one goal for me for the next six months is as cliche as it can be. I almost hate to say it, but here goes....to lose weight. I have struggled with this for so long and have had little success in making any progress at all. In fact, I have gained more in the last few months than I feel comfortable sharing. I feel like I have failed myself by not trying harder, by not pushing myself in doing things I don't like to do, by allowing myself to be lazy and staying too comfortable. The weight is a big hindering factor in a lot of areas of my life. It is time to take my life back.

The not so funny thing about this weight issue is that lately, I have had nightmares that something was wrong with me. Each dream I have had has been different in nature, but the theme is the same. My weight has caused the problem and could have been avoided. That is a very uncomfortable feeling.....even more uncomfortable than going to the track and making myself walk or exercise.

The truth is hard....I really have to forget there are others going to read this and still hit publish. My goal is to lose at least 50 pounds in the next six months. I know it is a reachable goal and I am not being unrealistic. The real problem lies inside my head and lacking the motivation to start. This time, I am feeling someone is trying to tell me something through my dreams....and I am a little bit afraid to ignore the warnings.

Six Months......50 pounds lighter........my number one goal!

Now.....it's your turn!!

Five Minute Friday: Beyond..........

Today I'm linking up to Lisa-Jo aka the gypsy mama, who chooses a topic every Friday and writes for five minutes. 

Only five minutes

And the rule is that whatever you write about in that five minutes is what you posts. No editing your thoughts. Today, her topic choice is "Beyond....."

Ready. Set. Go......

Comfort comes in routines or things that become habit. It is a place where one has decided that it is a safe place to be. There are no limits in this comfy place, no restraints, no unpleasant feelings. Consequently in this very comfortable place is also where one can become by choice, unaware of the destruction on the horizon. It is easy to live with your head in the sand so to speak. It is where decisions become hard to make and motivation to do so seem to have disappeared. It is where one might find themselves on the road to giving up and accepting instead of looking beyond what could be and what that would feel like.

I find myself at that very place today. I have been comfortable. I have ignored what I need to do to make a change. Not because I don't want to make that change. It is because it has become hard to look beyond the unpleasant feelings and struggles I will face to get to where I know I need to be. It is the shame that comes from  allowing myself all the comfort which has me in this situation in the first place.

It is hard to look beyond all of that mess and know that it is paramount to do something. Anything to jump start that motivation to move away from the comfort zone. It is overwhelming. It is a little depressing. It can be exhausting to think about. It is where excuse after excuse comes to mind as to why this has become so difficult. It is where looking beyond all the uncomfortable must happen and action must take place.

So today, as I type this and time is running out. Beyond is where I need to find myself. Beyond the comfort. Beyond the easy. Beyond the fear. It is time to visualize beyond the looming struggles is a place I'd much rather be and know I must put forth a great effort to be there. It is time to create a game plan, a force of action. It is time to visualize myself in that place....Beyond.
......Stop.

Stuck at The Starting Gate / New Recipe

Have you ever been to the horse races?? If you have, ever notice how sometimes the horse will kick, paw, and not want to go into the starting gate?....do you have a mental picture of that?...good...because that was me this week.

I had plans to really get out of the starting gate and run the race this week, and well....I was more like a lazy mare in the pasture, grazing on a warm summer day...minus the summer day....uhhh!

How embarrassing to have to admit that to myself and the world. I found myself in a funk this week, not motivated in any area. So of course I did not do my best in this race to get back into healthy eating and losing weight again. On a positive note, I did manage to eat breakfast six out of seven days, ate more vegetables than I did over the holidays, but that is about it.

January is typical a hard month for me emotionally. I seem to not do well after the holidays, and during the gloomy days of winter. I was thinking about that the other day, and it occurred to me that throwing foods that I am not supposed to be eating into that mix is certainly not helping my cause. Monday...new week....we will see how I do this week.

Goals: (1) Stay on task. (2) weather permitting, take the dogs walking at least 45 minutes (I will exercise with the dogs, they love a walk....me not so much) I hope to walk at least one day....I know better than to try for more right off the bat, remember I know myself better than anyone! (3) Pull out my diet plan and review and focus on one day at a time.

***For those who emailed me about a copy of the diet plan I am on, I did not have this loaded right in the attachment, thus the delay. I will forward this as soon as I have my son check to see if I have done this correctly....by Monday, I will have emailed you your copy...sorry about this....thanks for your patience.

Now, I want to share with you a recipe I tried a couple of weeks ago. It is a good side dish with roasted chicken or steak or shrimp, and it a healthy option to regular potatoes. The most important thing about this dish, is it is super easy, great flavor and not a lot of prep work.

Roasted Sweet Potatoes

You will need: Sweet potatoes, olive oil, Old Bay seasoning, Cinnamon and Kosher salt

In a small bowl, mix 1 tablespoon of Old Bay seasoning, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, and a dash of kosher salt. Mix 1 1/2 tablespoons of olive oil with the spices and stir well.

slice sweet potatoes into about 1 inch pieces, and put on a rimmed baking sheet. I used about 3 medium to large sweet potatoes, (recipe calls for 1 1/2 lbs)

Sprinkle olive oil/seasoning mixture over potatoes

and toss until all of the potatoes are coated well. Bake in a 450 degree oven until potatoes are deep golden brown on all sides. Bake aprox. 30-40 minutes, be sure to stir and flip potatoes half way through cooking.

There you have it, a easy side dish that is so good, it will go with many meal options. This recipe serves 4 and has 178 calories per serving.

Have a great week everyone, and thanks for keeping me on task to record this journey and trying to move forward. Encourage on another....together we can do it.

Check In and a New Recipe......

This week for my weight journey post, I wanted to post the entire diet, but quickly found out that this is so long. Likewise, if I included the important information that goes along with the diet the post would be so ridiculously long, no one would read them. With that being said, if you would like a copy of the diet, please email me and I will send it to you right away in the form of an email attachment. I have to refer to my diet plan often, and it really would be easier if it was in your hand, than trying to read it off a computer screen. Thanks to my son for helping me get it into a format that I could email out.....so thankful!

Going to see my nutritionist is not cheap, it is not covered by my insurance, but if my journey will help someone else, I am glad to blog about my journey.Please, if anyone is reading this and has severe health problems..chronic problems, fighting cancer...email me, and I really want to put you in contact with this office. They treat people all over the country, do phone consultations, and ship supplements. You can not imagine how much a role your diet has in beating health issues. I go visit my nutritionist and instead of talking about myself, I find myself asking about health problems of fellow bloggers I have read about....finally, she told me to tell anyone who needs help to call...they treat people all over the country...so there it is....I want you to know, there is help and hope...I truly believe it or I would not take the time to do these post. But I also believe many would just like a good diet to follow, one that they would see results pretty quick..so I am posting about that here too...hopefully, someone in need will find the way to make a change.

I am slowly getting back on board...and let me stress slowly. It seems since the holidays, I have had a real struggle committing to not "have a taste" of this or that, things I know I am not supposed to have. And well, I know myself....a taste usually will not do....it leads to a larger sampling. I'm glad I did not mark the 1st as the day to get in gear, even though I did say something like "soon after" the 1st. This next week, I am going to do it...stay focused, eat what I am supposed to....get in gear..... and since I have to report back here next week....well...maybe that will help to motivate me to stick with the plan.... I did not weigh myself this week....no need to....Next week, we will see. I don't think there is any reason to weigh if I KNOW there is no reason to weigh....

My week goals: (1) Eat the recommended vegetables per day....(this is the hardest part for me for some reason) (2) Drink my recommended amount of water daily (3) get back to eating breakfast, no matter how late I wake up or in a hurry I am (4) leave the Peanut brittle my son brought into the house alone. It is one of my favorites, and well...(those little tastes) are really adding up.

Uhh......what a set of goals.....but for myself, it will have to be enough this week. I want to leave you with a recipe I tried this week. It was good, but I don't care for olives, so I picked them out. It was super easy, no fuss type of dinner. Honestly, I should have not had the rice, but darn it was good. Served this with a large salad, and it was a great dinner. Don't let the olives steer you away, the flavor of the meat is really good, and if you are one of those folks who love olives, (like my husband) then you will really enjoy this dish.



Mediterranean Style Beef Dinner


You will need:
2 pounds beef cut into ½ to ¾ inch pieces
2 cans (14½ to 15 ounces each) chili-seasoned diced tomatoes,undrained
1 cup olives, pitted, cut in half ( I used Spanish and black olives)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
2 teaspoons garlic powder
pinch of oregano
crumbled feta cheese
Cooked basmati rice

Cut up meat into 1/2 to 3/4 inch peaces. Season meat with salt, black pepper, garlic powder and oregano. Place beef, tomatoes and olives in 3½ to 5½-quart slow cooker.

I took out the pimento from the Spanish olives...just because I don't like it. Go ahead and leave it in if you want...but remember, I don't care for olives...or pimento...so I had to eliminate one of them.

Cover and cook on LOW 8 hours, or on HIGH 5 to 6 hours, or until beef is fork-tender. This does not need to be stirred during cooking. Just place it in the slow cooker and forget about it. LOVE that!


Serve over rice if desired.( I desired) Sprinkle with feta cheese on top before servings.
Serves 4 to 6

I don't have the exact calorie calculations, but this really should not be too high in calories, especially if you cut the amount of rice or eliminate the rice all together....but I did not do that, I love basmati rice....just sayin'

A New Year....Same Weight Struggles......and a recipe

Officially Sundays will be the day I will check in with my weeks progress, and try to do my weight loss post on this day, including some recipes for the coming week.....I was going to do that about 2 months ago, but we know that did not happen...I am so sorry.....I know many have followed along the struggle I have had and feel like I have left them hanging, well, I am finally getting my act together... and now for a quick recap...and get us up to speed for what is to be from here on out.....

As of Thanksgiving, I had stuck to the diet, and supplements and lost a total of 24 pounds....several pounds of body fat and had added some muscle mass without any exercise.....I will be more detailed on the weigh in part from here on out, each time I visit my nutritionist, I will report.

Just to give you an idea, the office has a fancy schmancy scale....you take your shoes and socks off, step up on the scale, hold two stainless steel handles in each hand, and a computer prints out your weight, BMI, body fat per limb, body trunk, etc. it will totally blow your mind or at the very least open it up to reality.......trust me.......there is absolutely no hiding any pounds from the scale...it picks it all up....

I had done pretty good until after Thanksgiving, but the Christmas/New Year holiday was a bit stressful, and well....I lost focus....I gained about 6 pounds, which I guess really is not bad, but when you work so hard to take it off...well, it seems like a lot.....so it is time to get back on track.....

I want to share a recipe with you that is really yummy, good for you and not a lot of fat....I will be enjoying this soup next week at work and at home.....I am a foodie by heart, I love to cook, and well, you all know I had to have the Pioneer Woman's cookbook, I love to visit all the foodie blogs and get new recipes...The ONLY Problem with that is, well honestly, I should not be even reading the recipes on most of these posts...do you ever feel like browsing all of these wonderful, delightful new recipes only contributes to lack of success on a diet?...... Hello?.......anyone there?........have I lost you??? I hope some of the recipes I share you will find helpful...believe me, if I have tried something and it was not TASTY to me, it will never be posted here......I don't want to be a "diet foodie" but I do want to be a "healthy foodie" I want to help others who may be having a hard time starting a new journey.......and I don't want to lose the taste food in the process.

Next week, I'll post the diet I am following.....it may take me all week to work that into print.....but for some of you, it might really help if you are starting a weight loss plan, and if you stick with it, the weight will come off.....it has not been too difficult as long as I stay focused......hope you enjoy this wonderful recipe.....

Amazing Chicken Tortilla Soup

Calories per serving: 164
10 Servings

2 teaspoons olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 medium Jalapeno pepper, chopped and seeded
1/2 medium bell pepper
4 small boneless skinless chicken breast or 1 package tenders
2 cups frozen corn (can eliminate if you want)
2 teaspoons cumin
1/2 cup dry white wine or water ( I use water)
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
4 (14 ounce) cans chicken broth
2 (14 ounce) cans diced tomatoes
2 (8 ounce) cans tomato sauce
Topping.....recipe to follow below.....


First, saute onion, garlic jalapeno and bell pepper with olive oil in a large pot until soft. Add all of remaining ingredients to large stock pot and bring to a boil. After about 15-20 minutes, remove the chicken breast and shred. ( I usually use two forks to shred chicken in a plate) Return shredded chicken to the pot and simmer an additional 45 minutes over medium heat. Serve, topped with tortilla chips.....recipe below.....

Seasoned Tortilla Strips

Calories per serving: 161
makes 7 one cup servings

1/4 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4-1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper or ground red pepper ( I use Cayenne)
12-14 6-inch corn tortillas
salt
Tabasco sauce, to taste

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

In a small bowl, stir oil and all of the spices together with a wire whisk.

Using a basting brush, brush one side of all the tortillas with the oil/spice mixture

Make 3-4 stacks of 4 tortillas.

Cut the tortillas into 1/4-1/2 inch strips

Put strips in a single layer on a couple of cookie sheets sprayed with Pam.
Bake until golden and crisp, about 10-15 minutes. If pans are on different oven racks, switch their positions about halfway through baking. Remove from oven and sprinkle with salt. Cool completely in pans and store in a zip lock bag. Garnish soup with strips

....ummmm so good!!

This is very good and satisfying and pretty low in calories...I have used the strips as a snack when I wanted something crunchy....usually about a 1/2 cup.

I know many have pledged to shed the pounds this year, if you are just starting, or trying to re-focus like myself....stay positive, provide yourself with snacks and foods you will eat, don't skip breakfast....and drink plenty of water. Skip the sodas, even diet.....they do nothing for you and the sweetener in the diet drinks are terrible for our bodies....remember we can do this....encourage one another!

Looking back on 2009 and Looking ahead for 2010

I know everyone experiences this particular feeling once in a while....you know the one... the one where you know someone does not like you? And you have to act all cool like you don't care at all that they don't like you... even though you really do? And you act all tough pretending it doesn't matter to you one way or the other because you can totally take them or leave them?

Seriously, how do you learn that? Because I am need of that particular knowledge at this moment. 2009 was full of tough experiences and truths. Am I looking forward for 2010?...absolutely, I mean seriously....surely it will hold wonderful moments and experiences from the knowledge learned from 2009.....let's hope.

This past year has been a struggle....for myself personally, I faced my weight issues, and started to do something about it....I know what you are thinking.....Where are the updates? I am going to follow up on this and start the New Year trying to offer suggestions to others in the same situation....Life has just been in the way as of late....sorry.

Along with facing weight issues and the causes, I was forced to face some of the reasons this is a problem in the first place....that has not been easy....I thought I had made real lasting progress....but I quickly found out during the holidays that it still is on the surface....just waiting....to rear it's ugly head..... *sigh*

My family is very rooted in tradition.....and this year our traditions and celebrations were forced to change....we learned that our little family means virtually nothing to some members of our "family" thus the change in the way we have always done things.....so new traditions were formed....strange feelings in that...but we survived. I also learned while some "family" members are less than loving....I also know we mean everything to other "family" members.....I am thankful beyond words for these people....so the holidays were extremely hard on me this year.....I tried to make peace, offer a open heart and home...overlook differences....it was not received at all....so I put on a happy face, and no one really knew how sad my heart was over the situation....so live and learn.....and in the midst of the stress, I have to say, I did not do too well on following my daily diet routine, and feel bad to post about how to keep on track, when I can seem to stay on track myself.....I am a work in progress so bear with me....

While 2009 was tough on me in so many ways, on the other hand, I have to say it did bring about lots of wonderful changes for me. Changes I could have never imagined happening at the beginning of the year. Said changes required me to take a leap of faith, step out of my comfort zone, and extend love and friendship to others when I thought they really did not need it....what a lesson this has been. And I have been so blessed, beyond measure.

This year I reconnected with old friends from my past...friends who once again mean the world to me. Friends whom I had not seen or talked to in twenty something years...and now....I can not go a couple of days and if I don't hear from them, and I feel like I am missing a piece of myself....friends who mean so much and add so much to my life....I can not imagine how I got along all this time without them....for this I am so thankful....it was a hard process for me, as I had to lay aside any negative thoughts I have had about myself all of these years, and in doing so, I discovered these Ideals I had were really not true, they were something I felt was true, but in all actuality it was not....what an experience to grow from...

If there are people in your life, or who once were in your life and are not there now....take a step and reconnect or at least try to....you just may find that the piece of yourself that has been missing all of these years is the one person who will welcome you back with open arms....for me, this has been the highlight of my year....I learned to not be so hung up on the fact I am not like I once was at 20 something....and that it is OK and really does not matter to anyone other than myself....Lessons learned for sure, attitudes adjusted,and most of all, started to take time for myself and focus on myself and things that matter to me ...


I learned to savor the moments that means so much....like my baby daughter graduating from college....my heart was filled with pride and admiration for the fact that she was able to do something I never did or finished...and have always regretted. Words can not explain how proud she has made me......these are the times that make life so sweet.

And moments like these...just take my breath away....I am so thankful for the son God gave me, the son who loves me beyond compare and will go to great lengths for his mom and sister.....they just don't make em any better than this, and I am so thankful and blessed.....
.....so watch out 2010.....I am ready for you.....I've made a plan, I have set some goals, and plan on seeing them all through. And at the end of 2010....I want to look over my list and know I did everything I set out to finish. I will see a list with all things checked off.....and I will know, I did my all to see it through......what a great feeling this will be....how about you? Have you made your list for the New Year....not a resolution list...but a actual list that will fit into your life and make your life better?
Think about it, we can do it together......encourage one another in 2010.

My Action Plan For Thanksgiving Dinner and Recipes......

I am wise to say, this next week being Thanksgiving will be a major hurdle for me when it comes to food. I have planned ahead....and have a plan....for myself. It may mean, I have to cook extra food, (mainly for myself) but that is OK....it is a must for my success.

I usually cook the traditional Thanksgiving meal....and will this year too for my family. But along with those "must have" dishes, I am going to prepare the following for myself....as a substitution to some of the must have sides......of course, my family are welcome to try these new dishes out...but they are so stuck in tradition....I am sure I will be eating leftovers for days....

Turkey....as always, I will not eat the succulent honey baked ham that I love.....won't even taste it.....I will live!

Mashed potatoes.....southern, homemade potatoes.....no Thanksgiving would be complete without them....Here is my new version:

Mock Mashed Potatoes
extra virgin olive oil
3 cloves chopped garlic
1 cup chicken broth
sea salt & Pepper to taste
3 lbs. fresh cauliflower, cut into florets
1 cup green onions, chopped
1 Tbl. butter
Preheat oven to 500 degrees. In lg. bowl, drizzle a small amount of olive oil over cauliflower, toss to coat. Spread evenly on a 10X15 jelly roll pan. bake for 20 minutes or until lightly browned, stirring occasionally. Toss garlic over the cauliflower for the last 5-7 minutes of roasting to bring out the garlic flavor. Remove from oven and place in large bowl. Add garlic, broth, butter, salt and pepper, mash with a potato masher or use a mixer. Stir in green onions.

Dressing - southern cornbread dressing....my family thinks I am the only one who can make dressing.....Here is the version I will be having:

Wild Rice Stuffing with Sage & apples
2 1/2 cup vegetable broth
1/2 cup wild rice
1 whole bay leaf
4 oz. onion (1/2 small onion, diced small)
6 oz. green apples (1 apple, peeled, cored & diced)
1 stalk chopped celery
2 teas. orange zest, grated
1/2 tsp. black pepper
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
2/3 cup diced tomato
1 tsp. kosher salt
1/4 cup parsley, chopped fine
2 TBL. fresh sage

In a small pot bring vegetable broth to a boil. Add wild rice and bay leaf, reduce hear and simmer partially covered for 35-45 minutes, or until the liquid has been absorbed. Add tomatoes, fluff rice mixture with a fork and set aside. Spray a nonstick pan with vegetable oil and heat over a medium-high heat. Add onions and saute for 2-3 minutes or until the onion is soft and translucent. Add celery, apple, sage and orange zest and saute for another 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in cooked wild rice, parsley, salt, walnuts, pepper and mix well. Serving size is 3/4 cup.

The family will have Green Bean Casserole....I will have fresh steamed green beans with garlic.

And lastly, because this is one of my favorite recipes, and the original version is found HERE, I am able to substitute ingredients to enjoy this dish and I am super excited.

Broccoli Salad

2 bunches fresh broccoli
1 small onion, chopped
1 pound of uncured bacon (nitrate free) available in several brands at Target, cut in pieces and cooked
1/4 cup pecans, chopped
1 cup Vegenaise (available at central market) taste just like mayo..promise
1/2 cup Truvea (in place of sugar)
1 to 1 1/2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar

The how-to:
Cook the bacon until crisp, drain and crumble into small pieces. Us the whole pound of bacon. Next, cut the broccoli crowns from the stalks. Mix onion, cooked bacon pieces, pecans in a serving bowl.
Mix the dressing. Mix vegenaise, truvea and vinegar. Stir well. I use a whir whisk for the mixing.
Pour dressing over broccoli crowns just before serving. Serve on lettuce leaves and garnish with tomato wedges if desires.
For broccoli to remain crisp, eat within an hour of mixing dressing on broccoli. Dressing will last several days if refrigerated. This makes this easy to make ahead of time and transport to any location at a later date.

Now, I have no substitution for homemade rolls, pie, cranberry sauce, gravy....etc...but with this plan and a few changes, I feel pretty confident I can make it through Thanksgiving and not slip.....I will have fresh strawberries available in my refrigerator if I do want something sweet later on after the meal when everyone else is eating homemade pecan and apple pie......no worries.

All of these recipes are from my nutritionist and approved by her. That in and of itself gives me the courage and confidence I need to make it through this meal....and not have any set backs. I have not tried any of these versions, so I will let you know what the taste factor is on these dishes after Thanksgiving. I have to believe they will be wonderful!!

Weight Loss Journey Part 6

Earlier post: Introduction thru part 5 on sidebar under weight loss journey:


...When I say this lady is hard core...I mean just that. She is serious about what she does and tells her clients what to do. She is in a women's clinic here in Ft. Worth and they treat mostly women. The first thing she did was weigh me, and as I stepped on the scale and she asked how I was....I busted out crying.....confessed I was an emotional mess......embarrassing...to say the least. I weighed 203.9 pounds with a overall body fat percentage of 40.2 percent. OMG.....I can not believe I just told you that. I have never felt this bad or been this big.....I know some people are much larger, some smaller, but if you have a weight problem, or any other problem, it does not matter, the numbers do not matter, it is the same pain no matter what. The starting point is just different......

She spent an hour asking me about what had been going on, why I got off the program two years ago, how I felt, asked me things about my health I did not even think to tell her...she was right on the money.......she told me part of my problem was hormones, I was going through menopause and things were so out of balance that was a lot of the problem. She also told me I was showing signs and symptoms of hypoglycemia and we needed to get that under control right away. First and foremost was to get me feeling better, and of course back on the diet plan. I purchased the supplements she told me to take, and started the diet right away.

I tried to load an insert from their website, but it did not fit here on the page, if you would like to take a look, click HERE to read about the program as an overview.

So that afternoon as I walked out of her office once again, this time I knew I had to stick with this program. I had an appointment in one week, and I knew I had better see some kind of results as my patience and mental state was on a very short fuse.......to be continued.

Side note: I tend to be a person that would rather "see" for myself than have someone "tell" me something....so I found an online questionnaire that measures if you are at risk for hypoglycemia. I took the test, and as I was doing so, quiet surprised at the questions. A total of 20 or less is within normal limits. My score was a 84....it is a wonder the computer screen was not flashing red warning signs and sirens going off.....seriously....84.....I was advised to see a doctor right away......good grief.

Sunday: I will give you the one month progress, what my plan for the week is per week and add some recipes.......and I guess I will be able to admit whether I am exercising like I have been instructed...if I commit to posting about that, maybe it will motivate me to do just that....exercise.....I will most likely only post on Sunday, and want to thank you for sticking with me while I slowly let go of a lot of junk in my life....it has helped, and knowing someone is reading it, makes it real for me, and has helped me stay focus....if I can do this...anyone can....and I know we hear people saying that all the time...but it is so true.....you can....if I can!!!

Weight Loss Journey Part 5

Related Post:
Introduction: HERE
Part One: Here
Part Two: Here
Part Three: Here
Part Four: Here

.........That was the blow below the belt...even if it was above the belt....sorry...could not help myself. My greatest fear of cancer had come to pass....I was certain I was going to die.....
My grandmother, grandfather, aunt, dad, mother in law, even my precious dog of 13 years had all died of cancer and here it was knocking on my door. I know that is a horrible thing to admit, panic and assuming the worse but I was not thinking clearly. I went on line to self diagnose myself...big mistake....some of the symptoms I had experienced were right there in black and white.....I panicked....big time.....this was it....I could not imagine what I was going to tell my kids.....would I be here for their weddings?, would I ever know my grandchildren?....my heart was in dispair. Then the next fleeting thought was "I have never been to Hawaii, and now never will." Now, why in the world in the middle of a panic attach that came to mind, I will never know...but I am being honest...and that is what I thought...shameful to admit.....believe me.

It took two agonizing days to get into my gynecologist office. By that time, I was in so much pain it was unbearable....she sent me for a mammogram and a sonogram the same day. To make a long story short, I went to see a breast surgeon for a needle biopsy and it was determined the lump was benign and nothing needed to be done about it right away. I was so thankful for my husband's support but honestly, I was so pissed at the same time. I felt like he was just being nice because I thought I had cancer and thought I was going to die....how horrible is that??? He is a nice person, it has just been my perception of things that has been so off balance.....and again, it has been all his fault in my mind.

I go back to see the surgeon this month for a follow up checkup. Honestly, I think this was caused from an injury to myself by lifting something much too heavy and scraping my breast with the object.....I was mad, at my husband for not doing something the way I thought it should be done and that is what happened that day.....at least that is what I think....I caused this five alarm panic I am sure of it now.

Some family members do not even know this happened, so if you are one of them, please forgive me, I could hardly deal with it myself.....and did not want to bother anyone with this unless it was necessary. I try to protect the ones I love the most, so I keep things to myself. It is not because I don't love or care about you, it is just I could not bring myself to worry you if there was not reason in it.....and it proved to not be a reason....thank goodness.

But it took me three weeks to recover from that biopsy, it was so painful, and my mental state was just worn out....like I said before, the least little thing would send me into a tail spin and this was so hard to deal with, even when I had the results....it just wiped me out.....it should have been a wake up call....in my mind it was...but I was helpless to make any changes...in fact, my old eating habits returned, sweets were my comfort.....

If I tell you I never thought things could get worse, that is an understatement. From May, my life has been so hard, it is hard to imagine. Emotional, irrational, angry, panicked, stressed, feeling sick, tired all the time, you name it, I have felt it. I knew at the end of the summer when my husband had made two trips to Colorado and I had not gone with him either time, things were really bad.....I don't know if he realized it, but I certainly did. The things I loved no longer were important enough to leave home for. I used up all my vacation time and sick time at work to stay home....because that is were I felt safe, home with my dogs, my computer friends and cookies, chips or cake.......I can hardly imagine I let myself get like this.....when I had to, I'd put on a happy face so no one would know how bad things were. I could not help it, I could not do anything about it. I thought I was going crazy. I even tried to distract myself with quilting classes, that helped, but only for a short time.

Then....I joined facebook. Now I know you have read those sad tales, of my struggles, emotional roller coaster with that. Never did I think that this single thing would be the bridge to help me out of this funk I was in. Sure I was an emotional wreck over facebook...but I was a emotional wreck over everything in my life....I just kept it to myself. Suddenly, I was in the middle of reconnecting with people who meant so much to me a lifetime ago.....they looked wonderful, just the same as I remembered them....and I looked at myself....and I did not even recognize myself or the person I had become. I was so afraid my long ago friends would pick up on something...I have been so guarded....and so ever afraid to show a picture of myself......that was even more depressing......they looked great, and I looked so bad in my mind. I was slipping into a deeper depression by the day. My friends of long ago played such an important part in my starting this journey. They were the spark that I needed to move forward, painful as it has been. The very hope of reuniting with these friends on a more personal level was what joilted something from deep within to wake up....call it fear....call it shame.....call it embarrassment, call it whatever you want....but after 23 years of not having certain people in my life, funny how these very friends are ultimately the ones who have saved me....and they have no idea.

Then one afternoon about a month ago, I was talking about my weight with Steve. Now, I know he would like me to be slim like I used to be, but I really have not cared one way or another what he thought..Truth. Just Sayin'. Anyway, I asked him to join weight watchers with me. In order for him to not have to commit to doing that, which is so "him", he told me to go back and see my nutritionist. He would pay for it. All of it. He reminded me how that worked for me in the past, and if I would stick with it, he would pay all cost. I felt like he was just getting himself off the hook about going to weight watchers with me.....but if he would follow the diet I could eat at home, then I would give it a try once again. I made the call, got the appointment and went to pay her a visit..........to be continued

Weight Loss Journey Part 4

I want to say, this is the 4th post in a series of 6 before I bring this story to the present. All these were written at the same time. I thought about shortening these post, but this has been more for me and my being able to move forward and felt I needed to include the "all of it" in the story. I promise...soon the gloom and doom will end, and hope will begin. I hope you continue to follow along...and hope that you take something with you from reading about my own struggles. Suzanne.

Related Post:

Introduction: Here
Part one: Here
Part two : Here
Part three : Here


When the weight came back....it stayed. I thought about trying again but I did not have the energy or will power to return. I began to hate the way I looked, hate myself for being so weak and not being able to change, I hated the way I felt. It was horrible. I read every weight loss magazine there was, watched every TV program about weight loss that was guaranteed to work, however, nothing motivated me. I felt so bad mentally and physically, I just stopped trying.

If I ever felt my life had spiraled out of control before, nothing could compare to the last 2 years. The joy was gone, even food did not help. The worse part for me was I knew I had to lose weight, how could I not know it? But I knew I could not do it either. There were people in my life who would constantly comment on my weight all the time , every single time they would see me. I know they meant well...but it really made me mad. I got so sick of hearing about my weight, I finally just said, "I had given up.... it is what it is...get over it". The more someone mentioned my weight, the more I gave up..... It was horrible. No one could possibly know how bad I felt, and no amount of words whether directly, or indirectly would prompt me to make a change.

Along with the constant weight issues, I was having female problems too, each month my cycles were so bad, I'd miss work.....horrible.....my moods would swing from one end of the spectrum to another. If I was happy, it was for a fleeting moment and then it was gone....I was back being mad at the world and everyone was to blame......if you have ever experienced any of this.....Please know, I know how you feel....it is an out of control, can't get a grip...horrible feeling. And if you have experienced this for yourself, I know you feel like you are the only one who feels this way. Everyone was at fault, especially my husband, poor thing. I stayed mad at him, no matter what he did, it was not enough. I have even talked about a divorce.....life had gotten so horrible for me, I really felt like if I was on my own, alone, I would be better off...then there would be no one to blame for my unhappiness except the dog...and well....I could not see that happening.

I know some of you who have read my blog for a while, are surprised. I discovered blogging and it filled up some of the emptiness I had felt for a long time, and I truly loved it. This was a new outlet for me, I felt like I could write about what I wanted....within limits of course, and still be accepted and no one would ever know my many faults and issues and most certainly not my weight issues as long as I did not post a picture of myself...it was safe territory. I love all my online friends, and to even consider writing about what was really going on.....unimaginable. And if I might add, this has taken great courage to do so now..... So, I chose to write about the good things that happened, and avoided the sad, bad things that consumed my life. I hid this from most family and friends too, my own husband did not know how bad it was...oh, he knew it was bad....just not how bad.....

I often have wondered where I have disappeared to? What happened to the person I once was? In fact, when I would read my blog post...some days I wondered who exactly this person was....certainly not me.....I felt like two different people.....it is so hard to explain and I am sure I sound like crazy person....but honestly I felt that way, like I was seriously loosing it, day by day.

I felt so bad all the time, stressed out, mad at the world and a weight problem with which I could not get a grip .....I had no idea what to do or even how to make a change.....then one night in May of this year....I found a lump in my breast........to be continued. FRIDAY - I won't make you wait until Sunday.

Weight Loss Journey Part 3

Introduction: HERE
Part One: HERE
Part Two: HERE


In 2004, my weight had climbed into the 180's. I may have failed to mention that I am 5 ft. 5 in. so, my weight was really out of control for the next several years. Also, my mental state of mind was still in a fragile state. I found I could not handle any kind of stress at all. I always felt like I was living on the edge, about to tip over the top.....it has been most difficult. The most simple of tasks became overwhelming. I was lucky to accomplish one thing on a list to do each day and felt like I had been productive, my husband on the other hand did not see it like that. But then again, I kept my state of mind to myself....and put up a front the best I could. Honestly, I think he thought I had just become lazy, and that was just not the case.

In the fall of 2005, my youngest child went off to college, and all of a sudden, I found my self in the empty nest category. Another life shattering moment for about four months.....

....then, my husband bought me my precious Sophie...and all of a sudden I was needed again and felt so much better.....and well....you all who know me, know where that led to......3 dogs, 3 years later!

But seriously, life as I had known it was changing so fast, it was scary. My best friend was gone, busy with her own life at school, just as it was supposed to be...only I was angry, sad, depressed and felt like my life was over. In fact, I was sure of it. I was mad that I had not had more children, if I had had more children, I would still have one at home. I ranted and raved to my husband that we could adopt, that we were not too old to have another child.....he thought I had lost my mind.....and bless his heart, he was not willing to give me another baby....but a puppy was a different matter! It was just more fuel to the fire of my emotional state and eating habits. The adjustment of my daughter going off to college, was one of the hardest things to accept, silly as that sounds. When I felt bad, I ate.....and I felt so bad all the time...so I ate all the time.....before I knew it, my weight was 198. How did that happen?

In the spring of 2006, I went in for my yearly exam and my blood pressure was sky high. The Dr. asked if I had seen my family doctor and did he know of the problem....unable to face this, I said yes, they know it is high.....but I don't want any medicine.....I had no idea my blood pressure was out of control....but did not want to admit it and had not been to my family doctor. I think she knew I was not telling the truth, She referred me to a nutritionist and recommended I pay her a visit. The nutritionist had helped her (the dr) lose weight and keep it off and she looked great. In fact, she was the same age as I was, only she looked about 20 years younger. All of a sudden, I felt old. But was encouraged that there was hope and help, I just needed to make an appointment.

The first appointment I had with the nutritionist was a real eye opener. I weighed 198 lbs. After a lengthy talk, I was given a diet to follow, what foods to eat, what foods I could not eat...and the latter was a much longer list. I thought she was crazy, I did not eat this type of foods, and certainly my family did not eat them either. If I started fixing this type of things, they would think I had lost my mind....healthy, organic foods were not in my kitchen. The main thing for me was sugar. I could not have any....foods that made sugar or fruits that made sugar in my body were off limits. No more baked goods, donuts, pies, cakes, ice cream..... No soft drinks, and believe me, I could drink a 6 pack in a day....no joke.....if I needed a pick me up, I'd have a soda......all the time.
I was given supplements from the nutritionist (well, I purchased them) to go along with my new " lifestyle change" and reported in each week with a visit. For three months, I ate mostly the same thing each and every day, I did not eat out hardly at all, and when I did, was very careful what I ate. In 3 months I got down to 165 lbs. I felt better. Really Better. I was in a size 12 from a size 16.

I felt better about myself, and confident I could do this on my own. After all, the visits were not cheap and they were not covered by my insurance. So guess what...I stopped going. Stopped taking my supplements because I felt better, and slowly....went right back into my old routine.....cooking my old favorite foods that I had missed so much, eating at the old favorite restaurants. At first, nothing really happened, I maintained....but then slowly but surely, the weight came back and along with the weight, the blue clouds starting rolling back in, you would think I would have made the connection........to be continued

Weight Loss Journey Part 2

Related Post:
Introduction: click Here
Part 1 : click Here

In 2001, I had lost some of my weight, but it came right back. I would guess my weight fluctuated between 150 and 169 around this time, for some of you I know you are saying "That's not so much" but for my normal weight, it was. Life events, which I can not discuss, took a major tole on my well being. The "what" of the issues are really not the topic, it was the emotional stress, sadness, disappointment, the feelings I had failed, lost sense of self worth, and depression and anxiety attacks took me to a place I had never been too, and would not want to be. Something unimaginable happened in my life, and the happy life I had known was never to return. I have dealt with this for many years. It really effected me, paralyzed my thought process, and I felt I had no hope, guilt had over come my life. I had to accept some things were lost forever...I would never get over it, but I had to learn to deal with it. I sought professional counseling, and got myself back on track and feeling some better. However, the old way of dealing with stressful situations never returned, I was always feeling too weak inside to handle stress like I used to do. So I was really in a fragile state....like a time bomb ticking....only foods were a comfort and that became my new joy, eating unhealthy foods became my survival mode.

In March of 2003, I got a call from my estranged step mother, my father was dead. Granted, I had not had any contact with him in several years, but no matter, that was a shock and a great sadness that no reconciliation would ever take place, I did not realize at the time how this left a lump in my heart the size of a football field, but like everything else, I suppressed these feelings and moved on the best way I could.And as you can imagine, dealing with monument sadness and depression, again, I turned to foods.

Then in June of 2003, my father in law had a triple by pass surgery and I took care of his recovery until he had to go into rehab. He is not a good patient, very mean and rude and wants to blame everyone for his problems.....that is just the way he is when he is sick...the stress from that was so over powering I can not explain. I was racked with guilt for sending him to a rehab place, but I could not allow him to disrupt my already stressful household being the uncooperative self he was. I felt bad and felt like it was my duty to care for him as he was my husband's father. None the less, he went to rehab, recovered and things leveled off.

In early August of 2003, my dad's sister, my sweet Aunt passed away. This was the last living relative on my dad's side of the family, no grandparents, no aunts or uncles, no dad...all gone just like that...I can not tell you how hard even to this day it is to type the words, it was like someone wiped away all the loved ones from this side of the family, all the memories, voices, the laughter, all were gone just like that...... unimaginable to me still. The great sadness was dealt with by eating, I really developed a love of sweets during this year, and that is how I dealt with my grief....the sweets....they made me feel good.

My mother in law encouraged me to lose some weight throughout this same year (2003), even paid for my weight watcher visits to try and help me lose. She encouraged, prompted, and was my cheerleader. I thought she was going to weight watchers too, but she was not.....she was sick and we NEVER knew it. In late September, we found out she had stage 4 breast cancer. We had NO IDEA she was even sick, she kept this all to herself.....she passed away 3 1/2 weeks after we found out she was sick. The unimaginable had happened, this lady who has been my children's grandmother, my husband's mother was dying....she was in her 60's, this is not supposed to happen. How was this happening? I took care of her for the last weeks of her life. The things I saw, the things I had to do, the feelings I felt, these things that were so hard to believe imaginable happened and she was gone before I ever had a chance to save her. And in my mind, I thought I could....save her. I felt like if I took care of her the best I knew how, fed her the right kind of foods, offered support, took her to chemo, all would be good or at least give my husband and children a few more months to have her. It was not to be. One Wednesday morning, 3 and 1/2 weeks of learning she was sick, I went to wake her up...only she was gone....just like that....my world spun out of control.....I had to call my husband at work to tell him I had not saved his mother, I had failed him......it was too much of a burden to carry, inside I had fallen completely apart.

On the outside, no one ever knew.......I had endured so much stress and sadness during this short time span, I knew my life had spiraled out of control again and all comforts were found in sweets and salty foods. The year 2003 was one of the hardest years of my life.......to be continued

Afterthought: I believe everyone experiences similar things in their lives that cause the same feelings and behaviors I have experienced. No matter how small or large things appear to others, the only person who really knows how they effect you and on what levels are YOU. I know this is very important to acknowledge and deal with so this same cycle does not continue, because when I feel these old feelings and emotions trying to surface.....I am now armed and ready to not allow them to take control of my life.....think about the trigger things in your life, and then try and discover their roots....it will make all the difference in the world.....

A Weight Loss Journey - Part One

When your life feels like it has faded away...it is possible for life to bud again into something beautiful.
~ Coloradolady

To read introduction: Click HERE

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned my new weight loss plan, and after much debate with myself...I have decided to go public with my story, my struggles, and my hope for a better tomorrow....I am sure I will most likely say more than some of my family members might be comfortable with....so please accept my apologies in advance. There is a lot to my story.....so I will update every Sunday and Tuesday.....in doing so, I hope to help someone out there that may be struggling with the same issues and give someone else the hope I did not have.....

I am 48 years old, that may come to a shock to some. You may think I am older than that, but I doubt anyone thinks I am younger....that is OK.....In my younger years, I was thin, with the exception of being pregnant and losing the baby weight, I stayed pretty thin. But like all good things...that too came to an end. In my late 30's I began to put weight on, and would diet, try fad diets, weight watchers...you name it, but after I would lose, it would be back up in no time at all. Now, it is very important that I tell you I am not athletic, and I hate working out, walking, etc. I am so much happier with a book, in front of the computer, or doing non-active activities. Just keep that in mind, and as you can imagine, that is part of the problem.

As I got older, my weight became a problem, and with lack of exercise, it could be nothing but a problem. The reason for this was partly because of the cooking I did at home. Southern cooking to me speaks of "good food" and my family loves to eat like that...Fried anything is better than baked....totally was the way it was no matter it be chicken, fish, squash, pork chops, potatoes...you name it...I'd fry it. I thought (and still do) that was my job as a good mom and wife...to fix good food!

After all, the best cook I have ever known was my grandmother and she cooked foods exactly like the foods I cooked for my family all of these years. Cakes, pies, cookies, pudding...always a homemade dessert went with the good meal. See, that is the types of meals I remembered from my childhood and those are the fondest memories I have are those times and meals at my grandparents house. So why in the world would I not want to repeat that for my own family? Well, I have done that for a very long time without really thinking about how unhealthy the foods really were. Oh, they tasted good, mighty good but from a healthy standpoint..not so much. I am sure this type of cooking is perfectly fine for a special occasion or for every once in a while, not every singe day. I think you get the picture here. Now, throw in a good mix of eating out A LOT the past 10 years...and well...slowly but surely the weight crept up and did not come off. I had no idea how much of an impact the eating out part has on my weight until just recently...more on that later.

Eleven years ago, I went to work for a company and unfortunately most of the hours are night time hours. I have worked nights for the past eleven years. That in and of itself is a stress on your body. I never feel right...always tired, not knowing what meal to eat and when, eating all night at work, eating when I got up during the day, trying to fix a dinner for my family and of course wanting to with eat with them....it was a real problem, and truthfully, it still is.

If someone has never worked at night, they just can not understand how one feels working those hours. I never feel rested, always feel like things are messed up and feel off balanced with the rest of the world. It is an ongoing problem.....the only reason I am bringing this up, is because truthfully, that has been a contributing factor as to where I am today with my weight issues, so I feel I needed to mention that. Never getting adequate rest and stress really does play a role in one's overall well being.

I have been married almost 24 years. If you think working nights when your spouse works days has not been stressful, think again. It is. No matter how much they try to understand, they really do not. After all, I am the one home during the day, therefore, I can run errands, make phone calls, etc.....it has gotten better, but seriously, it is hard to get into some one's head that my night time is their day time, and how exactly would you handle getting up in the middle of the night to run to a Dr. appointment or run errands, then go back to bed and get up in a couple of hours and go to work....I am not blaming my spouse, but it is hard, and like I said things have gotten better, but it has been a struggle.

Off days are even a challenge, I am used to being up all night, and well.....I am supposed to go to bed like normal people on my off nights, not be tired, not have a headache, in the mood, blah, blah, blah....and truth be told, it is not like that. I never feel good, rested, or relaxed. Stressed to the max. And feeling bad about ones self does not help, and feeling unattractive does not make for a romantic time in the bedroom.....just being truthful. I know I am not the only person who does/has felt that way.

This is where I can really pinpoint my weight starting to be a problem. Sleeping all day does not leave much time for exercise of any kind and what better excuse to have if you hate the exercise to begin with? Eating wrong on top of that, eating out because it was easier and more convenient and well.....this was the beginning of a long battle within myself.....and a problem with weight. Everyone if they will stop and think about how you have gotten to where you are today, I believe will discover a starting point. It may be painful to admit, to acknowledge, or accept, but for me, in order to better understand myself, I had to dig deep inside and try to figure out where it all went wrong and why......stay tuned if you think this story is going to get any better.....you are wrong....this was just a tip of the iceberg.....to be continued.

A Weight Loss Journey

Ever feel like this??? I have for years.....I talked about my "Lifestyle" change a couple of weeks ago...so much has changed....not so much by the "Lifestyle" change (but that has made a huge difference) but the change I am talking about is much deeper than that.

Several people emailed me thinking it would be good to have a weight loss addition each week, one to offer support, ideas, recipes etc....because I am so orgainzed...Oh, if you only knew..... I knew in order to do that, it would take a lot of courage on my part....and where to begin??.....that was another issue for me.

So, one night, I wrote and I wrote and I wrote.....the longest darn post this side of the Rockies....and the words that jumped onto the page rocked my world. In an effort to understand how I got to the point I was at with my weight, it was more important for ME to understand why I got there. These are the things that are hard to face, hard to deal with, and certainly hard to read on print when they are about your own life. But with that being said, it is about understanding, forgiveness, acknowledgment, and desire to move beyond all the junk that litters up our lives and throws us off balance. There is hope....

So.....Starting Sunday I will post my first segment. These writings are so important for ME,to stay focused and serve as a reminder to forge ahead. So before I start posting the actual weight loss progress and support and recipes....this is a must.....I warn you.....these next few segments ( I think 6/7) are dark, stormy, depressing and real......and if there is anyone who thinks that no one in the world understands how they feel.....well I am here to tell you someone does....believe me.

So, Sundays and Tuesdays will be the updates until I take this to the present.....I hope I have the courage Sunday to push "Publish Post". This has not been easy, and I am very apprehensive about putting all of this out there.....and please understand none of what you will read is really an excuse for letting ones self over the years, get so off balance, overweight and miserable...but more of an understanding about how events, emotions and struggles can certainly contribute to one spiraling out of control. When we lose control.....we lose hope. Thankfully, I have found my hope...and am gaining control....that is what is important........