Part One: HERE
Part Two: HERE
In 2004, my weight had climbed into the 180's. I may have failed to mention that I am 5 ft. 5 in. so, my weight was really out of control for the next several years. Also, my mental state of mind was still in a fragile state. I found I could not handle any kind of stress at all. I always felt like I was living on the edge, about to tip over the top.....it has been most difficult. The most simple of tasks became overwhelming. I was lucky to accomplish one thing on a list to do each day and felt like I had been productive, my husband on the other hand did not see it like that. But then again, I kept my state of mind to myself....and put up a front the best I could. Honestly, I think he thought I had just become lazy, and that was just not the case.
In the fall of 2005, my youngest child went off to college, and all of a sudden, I found my self in the empty nest category. Another life shattering moment for about four months.....
....then, my husband bought me my precious Sophie...and all of a sudden I was needed again and felt so much better.....and well....you all who know me, know where that led to......3 dogs, 3 years later!But seriously, life as I had known it was changing so fast, it was scary. My best friend was gone, busy with her own life at school, just as it was supposed to be...only I was angry, sad, depressed and felt like my life was over. In fact, I was sure of it. I was mad that I had not had more children, if I had had more children, I would still have one at home. I ranted and raved to my husband that we could adopt, that we were not too old to have another child.....he thought I had lost my mind.....and bless his heart, he was not willing to give me another baby....but a puppy was a different matter! It was just more fuel to the fire of my emotional state and eating habits. The adjustment of my daughter going off to college, was one of the hardest things to accept, silly as that sounds. When I felt bad, I ate.....and I felt so bad all the time...so I ate all the time.....before I knew it, my weight was 198. How did that happen?
In the spring of 2006, I went in for my yearly exam and my blood pressure was sky high. The Dr. asked if I had seen my family doctor and did he know of the problem....unable to face this, I said yes, they know it is high.....but I don't want any medicine.....I had no idea my blood pressure was out of control....but did not want to admit it and had not been to my family doctor. I think she knew I was not telling the truth, She referred me to a nutritionist and recommended I pay her a visit. The nutritionist had helped her (the dr) lose weight and keep it off and she looked great. In fact, she was the same age as I was, only she looked about 20 years younger. All of a sudden, I felt old. But was encouraged that there was hope and help, I just needed to make an appointment.
The first appointment I had with the nutritionist was a real eye opener. I weighed 198 lbs. After a lengthy talk, I was given a diet to follow, what foods to eat, what foods I could not eat...and the latter was a much longer list. I thought she was crazy, I did not eat this type of foods, and certainly my family did not eat them either. If I started fixing this type of things, they would think I had lost my mind....healthy, organic foods were not in my kitchen. The main thing for me was sugar. I could not have any....foods that made sugar or fruits that made sugar in my body were off limits. No more baked goods, donuts, pies, cakes, ice cream..... No soft drinks, and believe me, I could drink a 6 pack in a day....no joke.....if I needed a pick me up, I'd have a soda......all the time.
I was given supplements from the nutritionist (well, I purchased them) to go along with my new " lifestyle change" and reported in each week with a visit. For three months, I ate mostly the same thing each and every day, I did not eat out hardly at all, and when I did, was very careful what I ate. In 3 months I got down to 165 lbs. I felt better. Really Better. I was in a size 12 from a size 16.
I felt better about myself, and confident I could do this on my own. After all, the visits were not cheap and they were not covered by my insurance. So guess what...I stopped going. Stopped taking my supplements because I felt better, and slowly....went right back into my old routine.....cooking my old favorite foods that I had missed so much, eating at the old favorite restaurants. At first, nothing really happened, I maintained....but then slowly but surely, the weight came back and along with the weight, the blue clouds starting rolling back in, you would think I would have made the connection........to be continued