A Weight Loss Journey - Part One

When your life feels like it has faded away...it is possible for life to bud again into something beautiful.
~ Coloradolady

To read introduction: Click HERE

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned my new weight loss plan, and after much debate with myself...I have decided to go public with my story, my struggles, and my hope for a better tomorrow....I am sure I will most likely say more than some of my family members might be comfortable with....so please accept my apologies in advance. There is a lot to my story.....so I will update every Sunday and Tuesday.....in doing so, I hope to help someone out there that may be struggling with the same issues and give someone else the hope I did not have.....

I am 48 years old, that may come to a shock to some. You may think I am older than that, but I doubt anyone thinks I am younger....that is OK.....In my younger years, I was thin, with the exception of being pregnant and losing the baby weight, I stayed pretty thin. But like all good things...that too came to an end. In my late 30's I began to put weight on, and would diet, try fad diets, weight watchers...you name it, but after I would lose, it would be back up in no time at all. Now, it is very important that I tell you I am not athletic, and I hate working out, walking, etc. I am so much happier with a book, in front of the computer, or doing non-active activities. Just keep that in mind, and as you can imagine, that is part of the problem.

As I got older, my weight became a problem, and with lack of exercise, it could be nothing but a problem. The reason for this was partly because of the cooking I did at home. Southern cooking to me speaks of "good food" and my family loves to eat like that...Fried anything is better than baked....totally was the way it was no matter it be chicken, fish, squash, pork chops, potatoes...you name it...I'd fry it. I thought (and still do) that was my job as a good mom and wife...to fix good food!

After all, the best cook I have ever known was my grandmother and she cooked foods exactly like the foods I cooked for my family all of these years. Cakes, pies, cookies, pudding...always a homemade dessert went with the good meal. See, that is the types of meals I remembered from my childhood and those are the fondest memories I have are those times and meals at my grandparents house. So why in the world would I not want to repeat that for my own family? Well, I have done that for a very long time without really thinking about how unhealthy the foods really were. Oh, they tasted good, mighty good but from a healthy standpoint..not so much. I am sure this type of cooking is perfectly fine for a special occasion or for every once in a while, not every singe day. I think you get the picture here. Now, throw in a good mix of eating out A LOT the past 10 years...and well...slowly but surely the weight crept up and did not come off. I had no idea how much of an impact the eating out part has on my weight until just recently...more on that later.

Eleven years ago, I went to work for a company and unfortunately most of the hours are night time hours. I have worked nights for the past eleven years. That in and of itself is a stress on your body. I never feel right...always tired, not knowing what meal to eat and when, eating all night at work, eating when I got up during the day, trying to fix a dinner for my family and of course wanting to with eat with them....it was a real problem, and truthfully, it still is.

If someone has never worked at night, they just can not understand how one feels working those hours. I never feel rested, always feel like things are messed up and feel off balanced with the rest of the world. It is an ongoing problem.....the only reason I am bringing this up, is because truthfully, that has been a contributing factor as to where I am today with my weight issues, so I feel I needed to mention that. Never getting adequate rest and stress really does play a role in one's overall well being.

I have been married almost 24 years. If you think working nights when your spouse works days has not been stressful, think again. It is. No matter how much they try to understand, they really do not. After all, I am the one home during the day, therefore, I can run errands, make phone calls, etc.....it has gotten better, but seriously, it is hard to get into some one's head that my night time is their day time, and how exactly would you handle getting up in the middle of the night to run to a Dr. appointment or run errands, then go back to bed and get up in a couple of hours and go to work....I am not blaming my spouse, but it is hard, and like I said things have gotten better, but it has been a struggle.

Off days are even a challenge, I am used to being up all night, and well.....I am supposed to go to bed like normal people on my off nights, not be tired, not have a headache, in the mood, blah, blah, blah....and truth be told, it is not like that. I never feel good, rested, or relaxed. Stressed to the max. And feeling bad about ones self does not help, and feeling unattractive does not make for a romantic time in the bedroom.....just being truthful. I know I am not the only person who does/has felt that way.

This is where I can really pinpoint my weight starting to be a problem. Sleeping all day does not leave much time for exercise of any kind and what better excuse to have if you hate the exercise to begin with? Eating wrong on top of that, eating out because it was easier and more convenient and well.....this was the beginning of a long battle within myself.....and a problem with weight. Everyone if they will stop and think about how you have gotten to where you are today, I believe will discover a starting point. It may be painful to admit, to acknowledge, or accept, but for me, in order to better understand myself, I had to dig deep inside and try to figure out where it all went wrong and why......stay tuned if you think this story is going to get any better.....you are wrong....this was just a tip of the iceberg.....to be continued.