Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Facebook Made Me Cry..............

I very seldom write about my deep feelings on things....I mean, I do a lot of rambling..but never on a serious subject. I guess because I keep most of my thoughts and feelings to myself...things that are personal. But I decided I wanted to write about something that has really stirred up a bunch of emotions this past week for me.

The cause of all of this??.....Facebook......now I am sure most of you will think I am really silly, and I am sure I am being silly...but I had no idea when I signed up for Facebook what emotions it would stir up....long forgotten things.....things I had hid away rather well for nearly 30 years.

The first day, I had a flood of friend request, request from people I had not seen or heard from in years....YEARS. I was a little taken back. It did not take long for my best friend in High School to send a friend request and a note about long time...no see.... I did not respond for a few days...why? I have no idea....I really have no idea.

Well, she sent another request for a friend add, nothing from me. I think now, all of these years when she was not in my life, I told myself that was fine with me. I figured she knew where I lived, my address and I never heard from her. I knew she remarried and I did not know where she was or even her last name....(my excuse is lame I know) I felt like shame on me and shame on her for letting so much time pass between us, and in an instant here we were, and I felt like a deer in the headlights. I know I was really taking this facebook thing all out of proportion. I let old hurts cause this to be more than what it really was I think.

Well, this morning, I added her, she sent a long message, I sat and replied...and then just cried my eyes out.... I sent another message after the first one that said, "You know, I have missed you all of these years....really missed you" and I then logged off and cried some more, I do not have the courage right now to read the response if there is one.

This is the kind of tears I hate to cry...tears of years lost and can never get back, tears for missing out on the important things in your old friends' life, tears for them missing out on mine, tears for just missing that person, tears for feeling for years you did not matter enough to your friend to maintain a friendship that was once special. I know now, this is what I was afraid of, these feelings coming out of their hiding place, feelings I had locked away for years. Being able to tell yourself all these years it did not matter, and then, all of a sudden, like being hit by a freight train....knowing it did matter.....very much......

It almost feels like someone turned a key, and unlocked what has been missing all this time...it is very scary to me...wondering how to proceed from here. Nothing may change....everything may.....

*Sigh* I needed to say this.....even if it is for myself to reread and then think about it.

~On a lighter note, the one thing Facebook did provide is a feeling of gratefulness.... I saw a picture of an old Boyfriend...Oh, My Gosh...he looked awful! And the first thing out of my mouth was "Thank you, God"....not because of seeing him, but of being glad I did not marry him.....I am thankful God sent my husband....Sorta reminds me of the song by Garth Brooks...."Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"

Thanks for letting me vent.......and I must say...you guys who are my blogging buddies and now Facebook friends....I am happy to have you on my friends list, you bring so much to my life, you really have no idea!!!


  1. Aw your post made me sad. I'm sorry it brought forth some tears by signing up with FB. Hopefully as time passes it will get easier to dicuss your feelings with your friend. It's so hard losing a friend and really not knowing why and then all of the sudden they are in your face again. I have yet to experience that, but I know it's coming!


    So glad your my friend. :-)

  2. Yup - it can do that to you. At least she found you! She must have wanted to in order to be looking for you! So, that part is good! It can get weirder, though...I should warn you. Because you remade connections lost years ago even if all parties are trying to pull them back together, sometimes it is hard because you've lost so much of what you had over the years. Sometimes it's like you don't really know them. I hope things go great for you and your friend! And I hope you find more ugly x's! LOL!

  3. I hope you are able to renew your friendship. I can certainly relate to all the emotions and thoughts you've shared. Loss is loss, no matter how or why it occurs - It hurts.

  4. I could tell how hurt you have been...I know exactly what you are feeling. But I dealt with feelings of not good enough, not a grand enough life, like everyone succeeded in life but me. I think I felt so bad about myself I saw nothing positive. Then FB came along and those feeling only magnified as I looked at all the happy couples and families...I will say this. NO ONE post pics of unhappy times, trials or troubles. Remember that. I had to learn that lesson when I really felt bad about myself compared to everyone else. ANYONE can put on a happy face.....

    I will say, you were VERY BRAVE to post this...I could not have done that. And I bet you are not the only one of us who have had these feelings. Just the only one willing to put their feelings out there. Very thought provoking post this week Coloradolady...first Sunday...now today...Thanks by your post, you are making me a better person.

  5. I am on facebook as of recent but I guess I am so old there isn't any of my old friends out there. I put there names in but come up with nothing.
    I do know the sadness you feel. I went to my 50 year class reunion a couple of years ago. I had not seen or heard from any of these people since 1957. It had the strangest effect on me. I was sad to see them wrinkled and old just like me. Somehow in my minds eye I thought they would be the same that I was the only one who had gotten old. I saw two of my best friends from school days and realized how far apart we had grown. I have had two or three lunches reconnecting with classmates that I hardly knew. I realized that in school we were separated by groups, the smart ones, the popular ones, the ones we labeled strange. How sad that we didn't intermingle and get to know each other then. I came away from the reunion feeling happy and terribly depressed at the same time. I laughed a lot and cried a lot. I still have very mixed feelings about the whole thing, In some ways it was the happiest experience and yet the saddest.

    I hope you and your friend can get past the hurts and unanswered questions, and form a new friendship based on where the both of you are in your lives now.


  6. Sometimes we just have to let things go, and then move on.
    Sounds like your venting is just the way to do that.

  7. Suzanne, who knows what life has been like for your friend. Maybe she has been in a bad place, and couldn't extend the hand of friendship until now. This could be a safe way to explore your friendship, on the superficial level that is Facebook (can you tell I don't like it?). Take it slow, and see how it goes. Sounds like you two had a great friendship in the past, and I hope you can rekindle it. Good luck!

  8. its tough feeling like someone breezed right out of your life, then came right back in with no regard for you. I hope the two of you can connect again, or at least get some sort of idea of what happened to your friendship. Im sorry you had such a tough initiation to the world of Facebook...

    that said...can I be your friend?

  9. Okay, you inspired me to join facebook. But, I hope nobody makes me cry. And, when did everybody I used to know get so old??? Lane

  10. I am glad you shared your experience with us. Its much worse when your "friend" refuses your friend request. Thanks for sharing!!! cher

  11. That is the very reason I do not want a facebook. Did that once, and don't want to rehash those feelings again...please followup on how this all turns out. Hugs to you.

  12. I have not joined Facebook for those very reasons. I've had several emails inviting me to join the party, but either I'm not ready, or I just can't do it. I lost my BFF 5 years ago this month, and life has just not been the same. Hope you can move past this hurt and enjoy visiting with your new friends.


  13. So sorry this has brought you pain. My best friend from school years and I still write but not often. Years and experiences have separated us but we still have that connection of the shared past when we get together. One of my best friends from later years ( who has now passed away) gave me a framed saying, "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same." Some friends we have for seasons in our life, and some come into our lives for reasons. Maybe you can forgive her, and start up a new, and different, friendship with her?

  14. Hey Suzanne!

    I'm holding back my tears right now! Reason being is that I tried to locate my best friend all through junior high and high school. I had ran into her dad at an antique store over the Summer. So, at Christmas I thought well I'll send her a Christmas card to her dad's address. I sent my email, phone and address and my blog address too. It really hurts that she didn't even email me or even care enough to send a card back. I don't know what happened to our friendship. We didn't have a fight or anything like that. Her mother passed away from breast cancer which I didn't know much about because she never mentioned it. So it was a shock to me that her mother died. I thought of her mom as my mom. I still cry about the loss of her mom to this day and I was 17 when it happened. My friend married and moved away. Didn't invite me to her wedding. But her sister in law worked in the same building as I did back then and when she had a baby shower for her she invited me and I went. I even went to visit her after she had the baby and she was staying at her grand mothers house in town as she lived 2 hours from the hospital. I married and moved out of state and never heard from her again. I did talk to her brother one time and found out that her husband had died from a massive heart attack at the age of 35. It's funny but sad that I know more about what she is doing than what she knows or possibly even cares to know about me.

    Now I must go to the bathroom and cry a good cry!



    PS if you reply please do it via email! Thanks!

  15. People always accuse me of being so positive and I guess that they are right. I can't help respond to you by saying, yes, you have lost so many years with your friend, but don't let anymore go by. Reconnect with her and see where it goes.
    Look at the positive instead of what you have lost or what she has missed.

    My 20 year reunion is next month and this week has been a flurry of reconnecting. There have even been friend requests from people that I think that I barely spoke to in HS and I have accepted them all. Why? because all of that crude was 20 plus years ago and there is no point in crying over spilled milk. There just might be the chance that we have more in common now than we did then.

    I hate to see/hear that you are sad and I can relate. I just chose to look at all of these blasts from the past in another way.

  16. I understand where you are coming from and perhaps you and your old BFF will work things out...

    I don't want to join Facebook for just this reason. I don't want people from long ago crawling out of the woodwork. Yes, it would all be interesting, but I have no desire to resume those friendships, we have all changed so much...

    I'm glad you got this out. You will feel a lot better.


  17. Yes, facebook is another whole new world isn't it? What do people like me who grew up without cell phones and computers do with all of this information? It seems like facebook is just a fun place to reconnect and say hi. I don't think it goes any further than that with most people buy who knows. I hope you are able to reestablish your friendsship. Let us know how it goes.

  18. facebook made me cry too....but for different reasons...(not going there today)
    I hope you find what you were looking for with your old friend. I had a similar experience...and I also can say I dodged one bullet with an old flame...turned turd...oops did I say that? lol
    I had my best friend disappear from my life...and then try to return only to say hi for a few months. I don't understand how someone can mean so much to you, and share your most private secrets...and then disappear! I guess friendship means more to some people than it does to others. Just make sure you go into a new relationship with this person with your eyes wide open girl...I'd hate to see you sad again!

  19. good grief...I sound like your mother! lol
    you know what I mean right?

  20. That is hard drumming up past hurts. I recently joined Facebook, but I have set my privacy on that so no one can find me. I know it works, because the sister of a longtime friend tried to invite me and she couldn't. I had to invite her. Right now I am okay with having that strict privacy on facebook. I am keeping it limited to family mostly and a couple of church friends, a couple of high school friends and my long time friend and her sister. Maybe eventually I will change the privacy so that others find me, but I am not ready for that yet. One baby step at a time here.

  21. Oh Suzanne! I cried with you. I'm in the process now of doing an experiment where I don't call this lovely couple who have been my friends for years; I noticed that I'd been doing all the calling for the last year and a half so I'm waiting for them to call me. It's been 5 months!
    But I like what Arkie said about friends coming into your life for seasons. One thing I try to do though is to give people the grace to be themselves -- make mistakes -- and then, hopefully, make amends. Maybe she can't be the friend you'd like her to be; maybe you have to accept the kind of friendship that she is able to offer. And although I know you've been hurt, maybe - just maybe - allowing this friend back in your life might enrich it greatly and give you great joy.

  22. Suzanne, I have not figured out this Facebook thing. I keep asking everyone if there is some kind of contest to get the most "friends" on your FB page, because I get requests all of the time, and I've never even posted anything on my page! Now, I have a request. If you have a minute, please go to my blog and get the information to send a card to Amy as soon as possible. Thanks so much. laurie

  23. awww Suzanne.. dont cry.. I know how it feels.. I have a facebook (FB) account too and since I started FB, I've been seeing some long lost friends since I was in Kindy.. but of course there are few good friends that suddenly lost touch with me and sent add friend request in FB.. there are few times I contemplating whether to add them.. I mean like after so many years, why now decide to keep in touch with me.. what happen to the long lost years? hehehe.. so what i did, i add them but I don't share so much information with them until I feel comfy.. I need to get the grip first before sharing the story of my life with them..

    but I am so glad you have the courage to reply to her email and hope that both you could rekindle all the love and missing years together soon..

    welp, thats what FB do.. reconnect! have a great day!

  24. Facebook has a way of stirring up emotions. It brings your past into your present. I hope you and your friend reconnect and all turns out well. I hope your tears trun from sad to happy. Take care of you.

  25. Bless your heart, you've just had the courage to admit what many of us have gone through! God will bless you through this, as I have personally experienced, and sometimes not in the outcome we might have expected. Live and learn! pokey

  26. That's the beauty of FB.
    It connects, and reconnects.
    That Garth Brooks song has hit home for me many times.
    Keep on enjoying FB through those tears, y'hear?

  27. Hi Suzanne,
    I hope that by now you are feeling less blue & ready to contact your friend again. You will never get that same, young girl, closeness back but it can be a different grown up friendship if you let it be.
    a bientot

  28. High School...looking back it was an interesting time. A time of forming, molding, becoming ourselves. Life does take one in many different directions depending on our decisions. Walking hand in hand with the Lord is always best.
    That was funny about the old BF.
    Now matter what comes out of this new venture, seems you will win because of exploring yourself.
    I just came over from SUE LOVES CHERRIES. I think she is having computer difficulties, which is always a sad thing here in blogland.
    Happy Wednesday Blessings to all in your world ;-)

  29. I've also had some interesting moments on facebook. After collecting 100+ friends and then some raw emotions, I took control. I deleted every so called friend, kept only my family members, and put my setting to private. We all need to determine what we truly value. I discovered that facebook is very superficial. The majority of those people don't really care. Facebook is only a trendy thing to do. I've also discovered that I am forming better and more meaningful relationships by sharing on blogs such as yours. We care and we share.

  30. I am doing this blog only because someone set it up and did not tell me. That turned out great as I do enjoy blogging with all of you. One thing is sure, you will never see me on Facebook.

  31. Suzanne, I too have reconnected with old friends on FB. My reaction was different from yours however. I believe that there are seasons in our life just like the 4 seasons of the years. People come and go. Some come back around, like a circle. I am now happily married to my first love who I neither saw or spoke to for 36 years. Don't fret the missed years, the time has come for a reconect, embrace it for there is a reason for it! :)

  32. Some friends are for a reason, some for a season, some for a time, and a very few are forever. It is one thing we learn and have to accept in life. I don't connect with a lot of facebook people - some of the requests are not sent by them - some are just 'automatic', generated because you know someone who knows that person as well - I'm certain you are aware of that. I don't know what I would have done if I got the requests and also the message that person sent - I guess I would not believe they missed me that much if they had not kept in contact all those years. Good luck with your decision to drop her or let her back in. Sometimes too much time has passed to return to what you had and lost so long ago....

  33. I understand - I have not put my maiden name on FB- so it is only present day friends and new "friends" with similar interests. Kind of like blogging!! I know what you mean about seeing an old b/f tho - :>)

  34. Hi Suzanne,
    it is sad but true. I mean: "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers" But you can see this after years, when it is not so fresh and painful.
    I am wondering if I could find some people I met years ago, when I was travelling around the world, backpacking. In the old days without e-mail,internet and facebook. It is not such a long time ago, and it seems unbelievable. but it would be more difficult, than find old high school mates. sometimes i met those people just for really short time, i know just their first name, but still i will never forget some of them. people come people go. but some of them stay in your heart forever.

  35. Aww, I hope you are feeling better and can go back and check for a reply, I too found an old friend on FB, we were inseparable as girls and teens....that I haven't seen in 45 yrs. I stayed here and she moved...she too know where I was but I had no idea were she went.
    I found out that she had returned to Brookhaven over and over through the years to visit her family and new friends she made after we graduated and I married, she didn't marry for 5 yrs after me. We did see each other right after she married and spend time together, she left with a promise to write and send her new address. She didn't and I figured that life happened....I was glad to see her invite to be friends, we have caught up on the past and a lot of sadness she has had to suffer. The lost of her home and everything she owned, her mother, we have become fast and close again, SHE was afraid I would not want to hear from her.
    So please Suzanne, give it another chance, you may be rewarded more than you know.

  36. People come in and out of our lives. Friends you think you will be friends with forever... over the years become distant memories.

    I have renewed friendships that were from the past and realized...um... they should have stayed in the past. Some doors should stay closed and become memories. People change. Either its us or them. We all grow at different paces or some of us stand still.

  37. When I first joined FB I ran around finding all my old friends. Only 1 has bothered to really rebuild our friendship. I enjoy reading about what others are up to, but don't think I really want to reconnect. I always knew where they or their parents were and could have gotten in touch before FB existed.
    I also found that people I felt guilty about dropping really didn't care, so that actually made me feel better.
    I'm finding FB to be good for staying up to date easier w/ friends that I've been telephoning for years, and for marketing my etsy shop.
    I can definitely see why you felt that way, but go with your positive thought, now she's back in your life and you have 1 more good friend in the world!

  38. I am just going to give you a big hug. I can so relate to what you are saying and feeling. Alot of times we are disappointed by those we care about and bury our hurts and then something brings it all to the surface again. Just take this reconnection one baby step at a time and do what feels comfortable to you. Your friend knows how special you are. That is why she is trying to find you again. If it is meant to be, the hurt will go away and be replaced by joy. Take good care. (((HUGS)))

  39. Hi Suzanne, I just have to comment on this post. I too just got in touched with my best friend from HS. We were in each other's wedding, I was her son's godmother, we were friends since we were 13. For 30 years we lost touch of each other and over the internet a couple of months ago she found me. She doesn't have much longer to live. She is battling cancer. I cried for days. But I have to say, I am so happy she found me after all these years and we have the opportunity to spend some precious time together. Please don't be sad, be happy, maybe they need you like my friend needed me.
    Hugs, Ann

  40. Suzanne,

    I had that happen to me also. I like the comment that Arkie left you. For some unknown reason friendships sometimes do come and go so quickly, and it does leave us feeling sad, and wondering what happened. I hope that you can rekindle the friendship. :)


  41. what a coincidence i just joined facebook a few days ago and i've also been getting old school friends popping up out of the woodwork..weird huh!..i know how you feel coz a similar thing happened to me & i've cried over a lost friendship many a time!..i've learned to not bear grudges & not to judge & just think you can now work on developing a wonderful 'new' friendship with your 'old' friend..i'm sure it will all work out :) xx

  42. I love your quote 'tears for years'. I have some those aslo. My best friend was my first cousin up until some time in college. We were actually roomies in college. Then something happened in college and she distanced herself from me. I don't know why she distanced herself? I have my suspicions but she will not open up with me after several attempts to ask her? It is quite frankly MY BIGGEST DISSAPPOINTMENT in my life. I love her and I thought we had a bond that was never ending. So I understand your phrase 'tears for years'. I have now just learned to live with how things are. Not how I want them to be but how she wants them to be.

  43. I had a huge email argument over the summer with my sister, about Facebook. She was saying that she was so glad she has found all these "friends" of hers on there, people she hasn't seen in 30 years. She insists that she "knows" them and that they are still her "friends" and I say, they are people she is "aquainted" with, people she USED to know, USED to be friends with.

    She was very angry with me. I told her that to a friend, you have to know about a person, what they are doing, what they are thinking, where they go on vacation, how their kids are doing in school. If you don't know some of that stuff, then the other person is merely someone you used to know.

    I really wish that Facebook would call them connections, or something else besides friends, because really, although I still like some of those peeps from my youth, I don't know them well enough to call them my friends anymore.

    As for me and my sister--I live in AZ, she lives in GA. We are in our 50's. The email arguement we had that out being about Facebook brought a lot of issues she had with me, that I never knew about (I am the oldest). We got a lot of those things worked out, and came out the other side with a better understanding and a better friendship with each other than we had before it started. I even got a handwritten letter of apology from her, the first letter I have ever gotten from her. So, in the end, Facebook DID bring me closer to my sister.

  44. I am so glad you two have re-connected!!! Would love to see her as well. Keep in touch ---you know how important friends are to me ----I do not know if I could survive without them since I am by myself---when you don't have someone life does get lonely once in a while. Everyone needs friends---re-connect and tell her I said hello and would love to see her also.

  45. Very interesting post and comments. I hope everything turns out OK with your friend. I put myself on facebook to post some family pictures and have gotten several requests. I am not sure how to respond as I have not really used it except to share pictures with my family members. I lost my bf of years too. I tried really hard to stay in touch but I know why she doesn't. It wasn't anything to do with us directly but so be it. I still miss her all the time but I have learnt to accept the loss.


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