Someone once told me that they believe that everyone goes through life in cycles. Some of the cycles are good, some not so good. I pictured that more like the peaks and valley kind of thing and they agreed it was a lot like that. They went on to explain that the "valleys" and "peaks" or cycles were believed to last in increments of ten; albeit, ten days, ten weeks, ten months or ten years. Not happy where you are at? Wait it out...the next cycle will come....in due time.
I have not thought about that concept for a long time, and this week I was reminded that maybe there was something to that. At least, for me, I am going to focus on a new beginning tomorrow. A decade of being in the valley is far too long and I am hopeful that a brighter peak is right around the corner. After all, I have done my valley time....a decade worth and expect to see more happier times in the future.
I thought about this last decade of my life that just seems to have happened with me not even present. Where has the 10 years gone, and how did I let so much sadness rob me of 10 years of my life? Ten years filled with incredible loss, heartache, grief, guilt, adjustments, and so many other things that left me feeling totally out of control and unable to see light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't get me wrong, there were a few bright spots along the way, but for the most part, it has been an incredible hard ten years. Ten years in the valley...it is time for some better days.
I have always felt that things get much worse before they get better, and this year has been very difficult. Not too many know of my struggles,it is very hard to share those kinds of things, but finally, I had the courage to get some help and I do feel lots better. It has been so difficult to say the least. Guilty for thinking I have no reason to feel the way I do, and helpless to change how I feel or try to just push forward. I had hit a wall, and there was no more pushing forward. I was stuck and had no way or knowledge of how to make things shift in the direction I wanted to go.
So looking back on my ten year cycle that has been very dark and hard for me, I feel like I was able to see a little bit of light at the end of these 10 years. It is time for brighter tomorrows and making the most of the next decade in my life. I can't go back and get the last ten years back, or change things that happened, or react any differently than what I did during the most difficult of times, but there is a future and I feel like things will be better.
I have learned that no one experiences perfection in their lives, they may only let others see the great things about themselves and their lives, but deep down, everyone has things that are hard for them. They may choose to not talk about them, for what ever reason, but I don't believe perfect exists. Life in and of itself is a challenge everyday, difficult things happen as well as the best of times. We just have to push forward and expect good times to follow the hard times.
This is the first year I am not making New Years Resolutions. I have decided to start off fresh, and to follow my bliss. Whatever or wherever that will lead me. Because finding what it is that turns your life upside down with happiness can only lead to a life filled with no regrets. And no regrets for me, speaks of less time in the valley.
I would like to encourage anyone going through a difficult time, that it will pass, just hang on. Hopefully, it won't last for a ten year span as mine has, but you certainly can expect to see a few peaks after such difficulty. Remember, if things get too bad, it is not your fault, seek help, it makes a difference. Of course, nothing is magic and makes the difficult things go away, but it does help cope with those types of things a little easier. Just don't give up. And remember, you are never too old to follow your heart and find your bliss. That is a lesson I am learning.
Happy New Year to myself and all my friends. Remember if you feel no one would understand your troubles or how you feel, shoot me an email, because I just bet I would be able to relate. Reach out to someone you trust, they won't judge you if they truly love you, we all need to try to keep each other on top of the mountain. Now, Let's make 2011 the best year yet.