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Only five minutes
Ready. Set. Go......
Wow....I only have five minutes right??? Motherhood should come with a gift certificate to take a class. Not a class on what to do for your child, but one that would help a parent see what not to do. I think most mothers are born with the instinct of what needs to be done for their child. Love, protection, concern, nurturing, and wanting only the best for our children is a natural thing for mothers.
The hard part is figuring out a good balance. Finding a balance that is healthy for the child to grow and mature in a safe environment at a young age. I have seen so many mothers just hover over their children their whole lives. Never letting the child spread their own wings and try to find their own way. Instead the parent figures out what path they want their child to take and they push and push and make sure that is the path the child chooses. In the long run, I think this leads to a very unsatisfied teen or young adult, and worse, the child has no idea how to think for themselves and constantly look towards their parent to come up with the answers for them. Maybe that sounds ok to some...but is that really what a parent should strive to do??
Along with figuring out a good balance I also think one of the hardest things is for a parent to learn when to back off and stay out of decisions their child may need to make. Now I am not talking about a toddler here, but a teen or young adult.
Personally, it is the biggest mistake I make. I know (or think I know) what the road looks like my kids are on and I try and find a detour to a route I think is safer. Realistically, I know this is not how things need to work, but as a mother, it is so very hard to keep my mouth shut. Parent interventions are not always the best for the situation. I know from experience.
The best thing a mother can do for their children is to provide unconditional love and try and not be afraid to let their children make their own decisions and if it results in failure or mistakes, then it is the child's failure and mistakes, not the parent. I am certainly not claiming I do that...but I am trying....and it is not easy.
If there was a class on "what not to do" I think there would be a lot more teens and parents less stressed in the world. I know it would maybe have saved myself a lot of stress and a lot of sleepless nights and guilt ridden days......motherhood comes with many things....but sometimes too much of some things are just simply too much......maybe motherhood should come with instructions on what not to do.
that was a quick 5 minutes....I really don't want to push publish without rereading this...but I guess I will...
Good morning Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteWell said! It is always so very tempting to intervene, as you said, "Realistically, I know this is not how things need to work, but as a mother, it is so very hard to keep my mouth shut."
Amen to that!
I have never thought about a class on what not to do, but it would certainly be filled with such important information that would lead to better relationships, just as you said!
Yes! A class on what not to do. I guess that's the kind of information we are trying desperately to glean while pumping our friends for details on everything from breast milk to drivers licenses! But, you're right, the whole roots and wings thing is tricky. Mine are still small (one just small-ish) but it is a struggle that I see coming. And it's going to be huge for me. I hope in recognizing that I can prepare some. We'll see. Anyway, thanks so much for sharing this wisdom. It's something I needed to hear. Blessings -
ReplyDeleteWell, it's nice to know that someone else found motherhood as big a job as I did.
ReplyDeleteNot only would women be more careful about jumping into motherhood if we had classes and honesty about this "job" (the biggest career we embark upon in our lives) but I think there would be a lot less unwanted children in this world if women knew what was involved for the next 20 years or so.... sometimes even more years when the parents are trying, desperately, to be their children's "friend" instead of being a parent.
Very good five minutes of thoughtful writing...
Hi Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteHope you had a wonderful Mother's Day! This is so true. We definately need some kind of directions. It is indeed so hard to watch our children go through some things without saying anything. I have made the same mistake. We try to "save them" from all the hurt in the world. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Debbie
I have raised (almost) four boys now and they range in age from 32 to 12 now. I would love to write about the things I have learned...from the age of 18 to my age now of 53 a heck of a lot!
ReplyDeleteHmmm very interesting, just kidding liked it very much.
ReplyDelete