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Interesting, the topic "waking up" certainly can cover a wide array of things, but when I read these words, only a couple of things came to mind....a little heavy, but well, that is how I seem to roll these days.
Waking up certainly means to me to take in account of what matters in my everyday life. I sorta feel like that has happened over the last couple of weeks. I tend to live my life with my head in the sand and pretend things are all well with me, my family and my "friends". I think it is time for a wake up call so to speak.
I have spent so many timeless hours and energy on doing things and planning things and worrying over things that involve lots of people in my life. I try and be there, help when I can and look forward to planning special things for the people who mean a lot to me. Funny, when you pop up out of the sand once in a while, you sorta see that what was once appreciated, has sorta turned into expected and all of a sudden, at least for me, the appeal has vanished. What a wake up call.
It is not in all cases that I feel this way, but I clearly see who exactly I matter to in this world. I have awakened to the fact that I am not as important to many as I felt I was. Not hard to see when there is never time for returned phone calls, visits or just a quick check in to say Hi. I actually have one "friend" who has not dialed my number in almost a year. Yep, a wake up from the reality that I clearly do not matter that much to some. Relatives...well, we will just leave that alone. It is hard to think about this when it goes against my nature to ignore and just say "Oh well" It is not easy when your feelings get hurt or you feel unimportant. But then again, nothing that matters is really ever easy.
Now, once awake.....what to do now, or what to feel????? Opps....that was a quick 5 minutes....now to hit publish.
Suzanne, you always seem to write exactly what I am feeling. It is really almost eerie how that happens. I told a co worker the other day, that I "knew" someone who actually would understand exactly what I felt and how I feel about things, and I was thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI feel a connection with you, like a sister that I never had. I wish I was closer to you, I'd come for a visit, but since I live in Maine, we are rather far off for a visit, I know we could get into lots of fun things and have a great time doing so.
You MATTER to me, even if you will never know me this side of heaven. Some of my relatives read your blog, so I won't put my blog on here today, but we are blogging buddies...and I love you!! Hang in there, and thanks for letting me feel I am never alone in this world or my hurts.
Interesting topic. And, of course, my mind automatically went to the song "Waking up is hard to do". Now that will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day - lol!
ReplyDeleteIn some ways I think you're spot on---there is a time of waking up and discovering things aren't what you thought they were. I think there's also the matter of love languages. Even though I knew about them, it took me a while to piece it all together . . . "I'm so sick; why does my friend want to sit here with me? Ugh." It finally dawned on me that was how she was showing me love. I obviously don't know you, but perhaps the way you receive love is different than the way some of your "friends" are expressing it. Just a consideration . . .
ReplyDeleteI just had this same conversation with someone recently.I explained why I was backing off several "friendships" that are too one sided. That person really did not get what I was saying, but you sure said what I feel way too often.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. You are right. Some people don't understand it is a privilege to have you as their friend, and they mistreat or take advantage of the good heart you have.
Have a great weekend.
I've been having some of these same feelings! I'm not going to go into details, but my feelings have been hurt very badly by some who are very close to me.
ReplyDeleteVisiting from 5min Fridays. Sigh...sometimes we have to wake up and set boundaries. At least I do, just to protect my heart.
ReplyDelete