Posts
Only five minutes.
And the rule is that whatever you write about in that five minutes is what you posts. No editing your thoughts. Today, her topic choice is "when I look in the mirror, I see."
So I'm going to set my phone timer, I have just about 5 minutes this morning and write. No changing my thoughts, no editing.
five, four, three, two, one....go.
When I look in the mirror this morning, I see someone who I barely recognize.
Along with signs of aging, gray hair, and stress lines across my face, I hardly recognize the person behind all of the unpleasantness that have become front and center for the world to see. I wonder if I am the only person who often times wonders what has happened to "me".
I am not a vain person by nature. I was no beauty queen in my younger days who suddenly woke up one morning wondering where all the beauty has gone.
If fact, it really is not about beauty at all. I wonder mostly about where is the person who has so many dreams to achieve and front and center had the energy and desire to look for ways to achieve them. I see staring back at me a person who is at a pivotal moment in life. I see someone who needs to define who they are and who they were supposed to be. I see someone who needs to change lots of things in their life. But at the same time, I see someone who feels that in doing so, knows it will take a lot of courage because the support to make the change might not be there.
Someone told me once, back in my youth that a person wears their heart in their eyes. You can tell by the sparkle in their eyes, what a shiny happy heart they have, because it shows on their face. I feel sad I don't see that sparkle in my muddy brown eyes this morning. Not only do I not see it, I don't feel it as well. Life is too short to see through muddy eyes. The rain may need to come to clear the view and let the sun shine again in my heart.
I want to not only see in that mirror, the person I know I am. But I also want to feel the person I used to be back inside. Life is a journey, and getting off track does not lead to the best of things along the way. I see someone who does not know the answers, but is seeking them. I want to be happy at what I see....wrinkles, lines, gray hairs and all....but mostly a peaceful, happy heart and life.......
........it is tough to hit publish on this one....but here goes......
sweetheart, you are so not alone. I feel like that too. And do nothing. I don't even recognize the person looking back at me.
ReplyDeleteVery thought provoking post this early morning. I know it will give me cause to think on this one a while.
{hugs} sweet one! Hang in there.
Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteI am hoping the best for you. Life definitely has low valleys for us. I am hoping you find the peace and happiness you are looking for.
xoxo
Robin
That was quite a post. I don't know you, and I've only been following you for a few weeks, but this is not at all how I would have perceived you. You always inspire me to be a better person. The first of your posts that I read was the one about writing actual letters to real people. I've always sent cards and thank yous, etc..., but since your post, I've been sending many more! Perhaps today is just a dreary day for you and tomorrow you'll see that sparkle again. I sure hope so! You bring sparkle to others, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteI know my mom feels the same way when she looks in the mirror. She always talks about changing this or that, like you said, but I don't think she has the support to do it either.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find what inside of you what it takes to be who you are.
I know I'm not alone when I say we all think you are a beautiful person. Sometimes we just might not see what's really there :)
Suzanne, I think we all feel that way at times. We look in the mirror and don't see the young girl we once were. But inside we still have all those desires and dreams. You have been a huge influence to many people. I think about LV and how you have encouraged her to write a blog! Now there is one beautiful lady. And your commitment to write to lonely people and tell them they are worthy. I've heard the phrase "The light of the soul is in the eye". So when you smile at someone today, make your eyes sparkle. Cause YOU have a beautiful happy heart :-)
ReplyDeleteHave a great day!
Jocelyn
http://justalittlesouthernhospitality.blogspot.com
http://happycottagequilter.blogspot.com
Perhaps you need a new mirror. The last time I saw you, I did not see you like this. Whatever is blotching of your face, you can correct it. I have always said and a firm believer of it, our lives are what we make them. If you can change something, do it, and if not, let it go. I try to live for the day and never give the past a second thought. Life is too short.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie. I don't want you to feel sad. Please try to find one small, teeny thing that gives you joy today and then later look for another. They will add up and you know you are in my thoughts and prayers for the other struggles in your life. {{{hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteMy face and body aren't what they were years ago, but it's what I have and it doesn't bother me that I'm now considered an "old lady" by some! I've gone through some difficult times, but I'm a firm believer that you make your own happiness. I live for the day, don't worry about what *might* happen in the future, and count my blessings frequently. Life is good! I hope your mood improves and the smile returns to your eyes!
ReplyDeleteWhat a poignant entry. I can feel your soul here. So much of blogging is fun and surface stuff. You write of depth. I can feel what you say. As a mom of three little kids, I often feel like my dreams, my desires and golden horizons are lost in the daily maintenance of life. I wonder if someday I'll look back and wonder where "I" went. I'll wonder if what I did really counted for much. But then sometimes, when I wake in the night and check on my children, I know I do matter. That I'm investing in the most important things, even if I don't always feel like it. If I didn't have kids, I would chase those dreams, but I know that God cares no matter how small my life may seem, or how tiny my daily tasks are. I wrote a blog entry the other day about how I was feeling just this way. If you'd care to read it, it's here: http://pumpkinpiepainter.blogspot.com/2011/02/of-lost-remote-controls-and-cup-full-of.html
ReplyDeleteIf you don't care to read it, just know that you are important and beautiful. I think the "older" generation who have children that are gone forget that we need them. We who have little children look to you with admiration for getting through this time of constant demands, messy houses, tight finances. We look to you and know that it is possible to get through this with a smile, and sanity. :) Thank you for your thoughtful post.
Hello Suzanne, I think we all have moments like yours. I see myself in the mirror and say to myself, "why can't I be thinner, why don't I have time to do all the things I want to do, and on and on." Of course, I know the answers but it doesn't help.
ReplyDeleteI am proud of your five minutes of self-shared thoughts and that you DID hit publish. A step in the right direction. Sometimes when we feel a bit down, we need sunshine and good music to perk us up. Mamma Mia soundtrack works for me. Smile.
Suzanne, I think you do "many" things right as rain. Be easier on yourself and one thing is sure. Better to have a bit of gray in our hair and some lines on our face than not being alive to tell about it. I know we have never met but I consider you a dear blogging friend that I need to visit much more than I find time to do.
Sending you blessings and love with sunshine and music.
Jeanne
OH, Suzanne, your post brought tears to my eyes, as I could see myself in everything you wrote. It was a very poignant post. I was on another post this morning and she wants us to write about our daily gifts and it sounded like a good idea too. Small things, like the first robin, a visit with a friend, etc. I guess we could find more than 5 minutes to write about a lot of things but you "did it good".
ReplyDeleteOh, I recognize the person looking back at me. It is my mother! Next step, my grandmother. I knew pretty much what I'd look like as I aged because I look so much like both of them. Doesn't mean I'm not surprised when I look in the mirror.
ReplyDeleteI only wish my insides were as good as both of these women's were.
Hi Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteYou are brave to be so open, but that is one thing that I really admire about you. I think that you are awesome, and I hope that when you wake up tomorrow morning things will look a bit brighter. Remember:
“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.”
Gothe
Thanks for all you do for everybody. I gave you a shout-out on today's post about your "One Fine Blessing" project. Hey, I just found out by reading your sidebar that LV is your auntie! I love her, and plan on meeting her someday when we fly out to TX to watch our grandson play ball.
Have a wonderful weekend, and God bless you!
Kathy
As so many above have already said this is a relatable post. Thank you for the courage to share it!
ReplyDeleteSarah
This is the first time I've visited your blog, but your post resonated with me. You were the commenter right above me when I went to register for crazymomquilt's giveaway. I live in Colorado and thought that you might too.
ReplyDeleteSmile and other's will smile with you. And it will help bring that sparkle back.
Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. No, deeper.
Looking forward to seeing a virtual spring in your step soon!
Oh no you are not alone in wondering where "you" went. I struggle with this too. I actually was showing an acquaintance a picture of me from half a lifetime ago and I said to them, "I wonder what happened to her (meaning me), the girl I used to be?". Everyone thinks I am this confident, self-assured, assertive person when on the inside I feel invisible and disposable. I feel like no one ever sees me or understands my struggles. I have hopes, dreams, and desires that have been pushed aside, diminished, or stomped to pieces due to life's circumstances. It is tough, oh so tough some days to turn away from the me I see in the mirror and celebrate myself, the stronger than I realize person I am, with some burdens, but more abundant blessings.
ReplyDeleteThank you once again for your honesty Suzanne. I continue to pray for you, as I have done over the last 18 months since we both posted comments on another bloggers prayer request post.
Love & hugs, AmFriend
I wonder where I went too, and if I can find my way back, or even if I want to. God, I hate mirrors.
ReplyDeleteVery heartfelt and honest post. I like what the Book of Proverbs says about gray hair, it is a crown of glory. Aging is the pits and when I see someone like Tina Turner (71) I wonder if she has had much cosmetic surgery!? If you all had someone catering to us each moment of our lives we would all look like rock stars! I agree with LV. You are just simply a beautiful person. But you do write beautifully on such notice. Anne
ReplyDeletesuzanne, how brave to write that. I think if it were told we ALL know what you are feeling. Life is buzzing by and although i just hit 50 I keep thinking more than half of my time here is gone....how did that happen?
ReplyDeleteAppreciate your frankness, I am sure we would see the spark in your eyes.....
Don't know you at all - but am following the posts to this week's 5 Minute Friday meme and found this. SO well said and so true for so many of us at points in our lives. Thanks for having the courage to write and publish it. Believe that God is there, even in the down times, even in the questions themselves. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteWow, I could have written that. Every. Last. Word. Right down to the lack of spark in my brown eyes. Not that misery loves company, but it is comforting to know that I'm not the only one in the world who has lost herself. You've written it so well and pinpointed the way I've been feeling for awhile, more than I even realized. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWell, of course you are not alone! Lots of women and maybe a few men feel the same way, at least, some of the time. Sometimes my husband looks lovingly at me a long time without saying anything. When I ask him why, he says,"you are so beautiful"! I thank him, but when I catch sight of myself in the mirror, I wonder about his eyesight! I'm an old woman..wrinkles, gray hair, a face that could use a lift, and he sees beauty. Could it be that he is looking at my heart and into my very soul? Is he seeing me the way God sees us?
ReplyDelete