Monday, May 11, 2009

Shocking Garden Finds: I Swear it is True!

In no way do I want to offend anyone with this post. So continue at your own risk and you won't offend me if you decide to pass on this post!

I love the spring and all the surprises that come with gardening in the springtime. I can't wait to see what plants survived the winter, what plants or flowers came back on their own and I love to see if any of my flowers from the summers past have reseeded themselves and promise more color in my flower beds.

Usually, I am not too surprised by my findings. But one day last week, when I was making my rounds looking at my flowerbeds can you imagine my surprise when I found this?

I swear, it is true! This was growing in between my two yellow and orange Lantana and some clover that came up this spring. Now tell me....have you ever seen anything like this? I certainly have not!

See, it was growing right out of the ground. I happened to be walking around my yard with my 79 year old aunt, and you can just imagine my embarrassment at this vulgar looking thing that just appeared out of no where, standing straight up out of the earth.

When Steve got home, I quickly pointed it out to him and well, for the sake of my "G" rated blog, we will just say he looked at me very questionably.

Thank goodness, he dug it up with the shovel and tossed it over the back fence. How disgusting. Truly. Sinful. Really. And don't tell me to get my head out of the gutter, because you would have to be blind not to get my point. And we both are not!
I thought about doing a google search on this to find out what it was, but quickly thought better of it....after all, just what would one put in the search engine? "Wiener fungus", "red mushroom head" or what about "shaft fungus". All I do know is the outside looked and appeared to have the texture of a very dense sponge, while the inside was hollow. Don't worry, I did not touch it with my hands, simply because I did not know what it was and just never know!

Seriously, I was afraid of what might pull up in a google search. So I guess I will never know unless some wise gardener knows what this is or someone with more nerve than myself wants to google this one. And how in the heck do I keep something like this from coming up again in my flowerbeds?

I think I will try and not look for too many surprises in my gardens for a while...this one just about did it for me!
I never knew Mother Nature could be so...well...not so lady like.


  1. Oh my gosh! I have mushrooms all over our 42 acres and I have never seen anything like this.
    You didn't see Lorena Bobbit drive by and throw something out of the window did you?
    Well, if not then I just can't imagine what this is.

  2. Thank goodness you didn't have a "name this photo or thing or thang" contest.. wowzaaa

  3. Well, it's obviously the fruiting body of SOME fungus, but I've never seen anything like it either. I have a key to fungi at school, I'll look, but since I've already poured through that thing without finding anything like this, I'm not sure I'll find it now either.

    It is rather funny though - - - obviously God has a sense of humor.

    BTW - - - don't be surprised if another one comes up somewhere in your garden. The parts of fungi that we SEE are only the reproductive parts. The main "body" of a fungus consists of small fiber-like growths called hyphae underground. They are still there and can send up another fruiting body at any time.

    Just a word of warning so the next one doesn't shock you so!!!

  4. I googled for you

    Was there an odor connected with your fungi? I believe you have some form of stinkhorn. (Mutinus something or other)

    Check out this link. pages/Mutinus

  5. Keetha just made this pic even funnier to have productive parts coming out of your garden!!
    Thanks for the little chuckle ya never know what is out there..

  6. Hmmm...I think you should have a name this fungus contest! Did it come with a battery pack? You could make a fortune!

  7. O... M... G... that is hilarious! But I hope I never find one in my garden.

  8. LOL! Thanks for making me laugh, this morning!

    Have a great day, Denise

  9. Thanks for the chuckle today! What a shocking surprise for you - and for us bloggers tuning in to your story today! Have another amazing day today!

  10. Suzanne~
    I'm sorry, but that is HILARIOUS! I have never in my entire life seen anything that even halfway resembles my garden! Oh, how funny! At first, I thought it was a wrong I was! Do keep us posted and let us know if you ever find a "scientific name" for IT!

  11. OMGosh - wiener fungus...I laughed so hard when I read this, that I actually snorted!

    I'm looking forward to see if someone actually knows what that "thing" is!

  12. YIKES!!! Mother Nature is a sick, sick lady!

  13. Hi Suzanne, I just can't stop laughing. That is definitely vulgar looking. I dropped by to let you know I am writing the check today. We have company and It got put on the back burner. I didn't want you to wonder where it is. We are spending time planning our 'out West' vacation.
    We actually will be gone 5 weeks. Partly with family. We leave this Sat. Thanks for your address.


  14. I have never seen anything like this--are we going to have to make your blog X-RATED ??? must be some kind of root or looks like a long radish or something---will be interesting to find out---send the picture to some garden expert or one of the local nurseries---maybe Neill Sperry would recognize it ---interesting.

  15. KEETHA - I think you are right, I sorta left off the flies on the tip part of it when we found it because that was just gross.

    These pics in the link are not much better are they? But I am certain that is what this was.

    Thanks girl...the mystery is solved!

  16. You were braver than me, to put this ugly, gross thing on the blog. However, that is what makes blogging so interesting. You mever know what you will see.

  17. That is way tooooo funny! I'm laughing out loud!!!! hehehe

  18. OMG Suzanne!!! I looked at the web site that Keeth suggested! Yikes!! The pictures there are way worse!!! Gross!!! Yuck!!!!

    Devil's Dipstick is what I would call it!!! lol

  19. That is horrific! It's naptime here, and I'm having a hard time not laughing out loud! That is the worst thing I've ever seen! You have my sympathy!

  20. Thanks, Keetha, for the site. I visited and found out some interesting things.
    They say it's edible...ummm. I don't think so. No Thank You.
    "Figure 2. The gracefully tapering stalk" - beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!
    Thanks for the chuckles, y'all.

  21. Girls, please sit down while I tell you the TRUTH about your gardens - - -


    "Fruits" are ripened ovaries. Pollen contains the sperm. Those lovely flowers we all enjoy so much - - - you got it, those are the little reproductive organs of all angiosperms (flowering plants)

    So - - - the next time you take a deep smell of a rose, you will KNOW you are enjoying the reproductive process of the rose bush.

    AND - - - when you bite into a strawberry, blueberry, banana, orange or tomato - - - you will remember that you are EATING the embryos of plants.

    I'm just sayin' - - - -


    Your blog-erhood Biology teacher.

    Next lesson: It's all about EAT OR BE EATEN in nature.


    Oh - - - if you're having any fun at all with my comments, come on over and see me at MY blog

  22. ROFLMAO!!!! what a gross thing!!! I can imagine how you must have been looking at that! lol
    My kids would have had a field day with that...thank goodness I don't have any here!
    I have heard that this will happen if you have some sort of lumber or wood...excuse the pun...under the soil...dig a little deeper and you might find what it is that caused it to sprout!
    goodness I hope it doesn't happen again!

  23. Ahahahhahahahahahahahahha. How come when I asked for gardening tips last week, NOBODY told me I could grow a penis??????

  24. OMG...LOL....Sorry Julie....I guess I should have said something!!!! LOL

  25. This is quite common in the North West. It's the Dildopolius Fungi (Latin: Fun Guy)

    P.S. I'm your one male reader and really love your blog.

  26. I found one in my yard last Spring and had the exact same reaction as you. And of course had to take pictures. I live in southern Mississippi where we have all kinds of disgusting tropical things but guess this doesn't care whether it's humid or dry. Haven't found one this year--guess it was your turn!!

  27. Here by way of Keetha and I am so glad to be here. You are obviously a VERY GOOD BLOGGER because you DID post it :)

    This post was great and the comments even better.

  28. Libby at Neas Nuttiness sent me over... and honey, what you've got there is a form of Stinkhorn mushroom.

    Mutinus elegans to be exact!

    Now, if you're not the blushing type, go over to
    and you'll realize that your stinkhorn could of been a LOT worse !!!

  29. Your garden has revealed itself as male. Beware. It will now take all the credit for anything growing there, bark at you if you block its view of the Painted Lady butterflies, and goose you when you bend over to pick vegetables.

    You have your work cut out for you. It promises to be an adventuresome summer. :)

  30. This post is hysterical! I love farmlady's comment about Lorena Bobbit!! If it had been in my garden, I'm sure my dog would have pulled it up and come inside with it in her mouth! I would have been afraid to go see if it had been attached to something(one)! laurie

  31. Lorena Bobbit was the first thing I thouht of, but farmlady beat me to it right off the bat.

    Here by way of Keetha's blog. Glad I found you. You have my kind of sense of humor. That thing is just disgusting.

    BTW, I enjoyed reading all of the comments, too.

    BTW2, our oldest son lives in Denver. Love to travel to Colorado.

  32. Wow, it looks like your garden is very fertile!

  33. MOM.. what the hell!!!

  34. I ran right over as soon as I saw this. Oh my. What in the world? How embarrassing. Oh good heavens.

  35. thanks for the kind birthday wishes!!!!

  36. Hilarious!! I have a lovely front yard perennial garden and in it infancy we had a large truck-load of compost added to the soil.

    Since then I've been the recipient of several fruiting bodies of 'Phallus impudicus' (or Common Stinkhorn). Yep. Right front and center in my garden! The neighbors sure loved that... So if you've amended your soil with compost or manure, that may be your source.

  37. Too funny....thats a keeper!! All the best, Chrissy

  38. That is wild, and far as the concrete how to do it. just google how to do concrete counter tops and you will get everything you ever wanted to know. My sil did mine. It was his first, but not his

  39. "Off with it's head!" LOL!
    Here by way of Keetha's blog. Got quite a chuckel out of this. WOw!
    I tell ya what, I have never seen anything like it. Well, perhpas I have but not out gorwing in my yard. I must say though, I dont need anything else like that in my home or yard. Got more than I can tolerate at times. Good luck with THAT. LOL.

    and like Keetha said, God does have a sense of humor.

  40. THis post made me laugh so hard that I showed my husband and he did some 'safe' research and found these pages for more info! LOL! I thought you might be interested!

  41. I came over here from Keetha's blog and I am honestly laughing so hard I'm disturbing the dog. And the comments here...just as fertile, if you will...


Sometimes someone says something really small, and it's like it fits into this empty space in your heart!

Thank you for stopping by and leaving your thoughts here, they really mean a lot to me!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...