Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Tell Me Tuesday: Week Twelve

Welcome to Tell Me Tuesday.....First off the title is a bit deceiving.....it really is not about you telling me anything.... but answering a question truthfully and maybe telling yourself a little something you had not thought about.

I'd love for you to join me each week, and copy the question onto your blog and answer the question....and link back here. I am sure it will be interesting how there will be many different answers to the same question.....and hopefully give each of us something to think about as this new year progresses. My thought is so many people (including myself) are looking for some answers to various things. I have a feeling that the answers are inside needing to be jiggled loose and maybe a question posed a certain way will have a cause and effect in a good way. We will see how it goes! I have committed to this once a week for the whole year of 2012. I'd love for you to take the challenge with me!

I am keeping the rules simple...I'd love to watch this grow as the year goes on.

1. Grab the button on the sidebar if you like so others can find this new writing experience each week.

2. Once you link in, visit the person who linked in before you and leave them a comment. It would be great to visit and leave comments for as many as you can. But at least try and leave the person ahead of you in the link a comment of support.

3. Please link back to my blog and mention Tell Me Tuesday somewhere in your POST. That is it....easy.

Most of all, look at this writing experience with an open mind. Sometimes the questions will be hard...and require some thought. That is a good thing. Other times it will be easy. You can add photos, or whatever you like to your post. It is about you after all. ~ Thanks for joining me.....I hope you enjoy this each week.

Week Twelve Question:

What  should you avoid to improve your life?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Oh goodness, this is a loaded question and as much as I hate to admit certain things here on the blog I guess the best way is to just say it and be done with it. As I sit here and type these words, I feel a since of dread for writing what I know I am going to say. I am sure some won't think it such a big deal, but for me it has been a great source of mixed feelings and emotions.

Honestly, I think the one thing I should avoid and at the very least limit to at least a minimum is my time on Facebook. I know you have read before my mixed feelings on this subject, but recently it seems to have been pushed to the foremost front of my mind and I still seem to have a love/hate relationship with the whole social networking site. 

One of the things that Facebook does for me in a negative sense is I find I am always comparing my life with others I am friends with. When I read their status updates many appear to have perfect lives full of things I find my own life lacking, perfect friends, perfect families, perfect relationships, perfect happiness. I find myself more times than not, comparing and wondering why I feel at times my own life comes up short when compared to what I read on this social network site. I do have enough sense to know that most of what is put on Facebook is only a fraction of what is true or at the very least you could compare it to looking through rose colored glasses all the time. I know that all of this information is not as perfect as it seems, but yet it still makes me question my own life and it often leaves me feeling not so good about myself.

Another thing is I guess there is an unspoken etiquette surrounding Facebook that I just don't seem to grasp.  Is it expected of someone to read each and every status update and respond appropriately? Whether it be hitting the like button or pouring out a sugar dripping comment to stroke someone's ego? I can not tell you how many times I read comments left on a status update and think, "seriously......." I guess I just don't get it and it causes me lots of pain and frustration in my heart. Almost like the pain of  my teenage years and feeling like I walk around and hold my breath and hope I don't say or do the wrong thing. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I don't leave comments to status updates, but I don't feel the need to leave one every single time someone has something to say. Maybe this is just a problem I have and maybe that is where my focus should really be directed more towards myself.

Facebook for me has taken the personal relationships away and turned it into cyber relationships. I miss the phone calls from friends, as it is just easier and quicker to check a Facebook update and say something there. I have thought about this a lot, and I know the convenience of Facebook has just taken the calling a friend out of the picture. Most of you know how big I am on Birthday cards...especially those for seniors and I work on keeping that important aspect alive today. Facebook notifies you when someone has a birthday or anniversary and all you have to do is type a couple of words and send the message. Don't have to buy a card, or a stamp or take the time to send a personal message anymore...it is as simple as a click of a keyboard. It has become unpersonalized. I have been guilty of this very thing and it does not make me feel good about myself in any shape form or fashion....I am better than that and I know I am.

I really have been looking at this very subject a while, and for all the new cyber-relationships that have been reunited on this social media site, it sure has a lot of undesired feelings of not measuring up for me.  Maybe if I stepped away from this for a while, I'd be able to get my own life and thoughts back in perspective. I know it is not right to always compare yourself with others, and I try not to do that, but for some reason, Facebook is the negative avenue for this very thing in my life. I am sure if you read this silly post to the very end, you are thinking..this lady is off her rocker...and I often wonder if maybe that is just the problem... But I do know that I need to focus more time on what I have to offer and what my journey is about and leave the influences that cause my train of thought to veer off track alone for a while. I am not sure if eliminating this would improve my life entirely, but it sure would improve some of the feelings I have been having surrounding it at least. Seriously if anything you are doing in your life causes distress and negative feelings inside yourself...it is time to re-evaluate what you are doing and make a change. Yep...need to take my own advice......


  1. I deactivated my account for some of these very reasons. If the "friends" are really true LIFE friends, you will have contact with them. I did not need the added stress and like you I felt like I had failed in my own life when indeed that was a false feeling. People only post the positive "living in picket fenced houses" type of things on facebook.....I got to where I hated to even log in. Very little of it was a true picture and seriously, who needs that kind of added stress in adulthood. Deactivate it is what I recommend.

  2. I'm just reading this, Suzanne, on 27 Mar. You are certainly not alone in your negative feelings about FB. One thing i learned my freshman year of college in my 1st psychology class is how alike we humans all are. We're all afraid of rejection, we all want to be liked/loved and for some silly reason, we think other people have it together more than we do ;)
    There's another reason to not like FB. A news reporter on our local news did a report on what is really behind facebook. It's not, as he said, to help you get in touch with your old high school/college buddies. It's to make them (FB) money. And they do so by sharing your information with whomever will pay them for it.
    His report really opened my eyes to what FB's agenda is. And, isn't it a little odd to you to see so many people jumping on a bandwagon just because "everybody's doing it"?! What easy marks they are for virus or spam or ???
    I tried FB, got in touch with a few lost friends...I like that. But, beyond that, it didn't "do" it for me. I guess i worried too much about "who was able to see what" of my name, address, etc. And who sees the supposedly private comments and what goes to my wall?
    Lastly, FB was continually sending me messages to "update my privacy" since they kept changing it. What's up with that?!
    Anyway, you're not alone in your musings.....

  3. Ah, Suzanne, I know just what your talking about. I don't spend a lot of time on there, but I do know what you mean about comparing. I don't like my girls putting up things about every little thing they do. Everyone knows (neighbors) what they are doing, and when they have fights with their boyfriends. Ugggg! I tend to compare my kids to other friends kids, and I don't like that either. I do spend too much time on others blogs doing the same thing. Comparing!! Everyone has problems, they just don't talk about them. I did actually delete it once, and I may again.


  4. My biggest facebook problem is my husband is on it all the time and he is always asking me if I read so-and-so’s posy. Most of the time I have not because I check facebook in the morning and then in the afternoon before people would leave work to see if there were any important messages because I have friends who don’t even use email anymore.

    If you are feeling almost teenage angst, maybe it’s because facebook IS high school revisited. For teens, it’s their norm, for adults, especially in our age group; it’s often continuing the trying to make everyone envious because they are so great, just like high school.

    As far as how great everyone is doing, in such a public way. My own brother was guilty of “making out in the hallway and telling everyone about his awesome partying.” Lately his posting is way down and he isn’t so detailed with his personal life. My thought was relief, because whatever insecurities he was experiencing in his marriage seem to have quelled because he isn’t flying his wife on a flag making her look immature and public to the point of sleaze. People who boast, have huge insecurities they are trying to hide. Don’t get sucked in to admiring them; feel sorry for them. And you’re right, if you can’t escape the vortex the boasters create, just leave them to boast to someone else.

    Now I'm going to write what I need to avoid! :)

  5. You are right! If FB is making you feel bad, or making you feel like your life isn't what it should be then SHUT IT OFF!! Life is too short to compare your's to someone elses and find it lacking. Should I compare mine to yours? You seem to have a great husband and good kids. I have a great husband but no kids so is my life less than yours? No. it is different just as it should be so hold your head up high and enjoy the life you have. and for heaven's sake if FB makes you feel bad shut it off, nothing will come to an end if you do.

  6. Suzanne, I know the social media has made it so easy to 'connect' but it also makes it easy to make your life something it really isn't. Do not judge yourself or your life by these public forums. I know on the blogs most of us put our best foot forward and yet no one is that happy all the time...lol...not even me! I think you are one of the kindest and most generous people I 'met' in blogland. I think stepping away from something that makes you feel bad is a good thing to do! Hugs, Linda

  7. You are not off your rocker. I joined FB about 2 years ago to stay in touch with my son after moving to San Diego. Though neither my son nor his girlfriend were posting anything real personal, I still felt as if I was eavesdropping on their conversation. So I stopped. Then I joined again as a way to promote my etsy shop. But good grief, I was spending more time on FB and promoting then I was posting and creating. Between blogging and life in general, I have enough to do without FB. Family and friends know how to reach me via phone, email or snail mail. From here on out, my only means of communication. And that, dear lady will be an improvement to my life!!!

    Hope that helps.

    blessings, jilly

  8. Hi Suzanne - I just read your post and want to commend you for your honesty. I have very similar feelings and frankly, they encompass blogland too! I rarely go on FB and have been considering deleting my account but between my blog and etsy shops, it seems like it's the "thing" to do. I have gotten several "likes" from men in Pakistan and Turkey on my blog and just recently figured out how to block certain countries. Seems like a terribly unfriendly thing to do, but it's a pretty unfriendly world in many regards. I'm getting closer and closer to unplugging my life. I'm a simple girl who lives a simple life and I cannot compete nor do I want to (but deep down I DO want to and hence the frustration and angst!) I know you understand! Great post. Thanks for sharing.
    Lynn at Cottage and Creek

  9. I was watching a part of "Social Network" with Nick and I was thinking that Mark Zuckerman who founded Face Book is a billionaire but would I want his life? No! The chaos that FB caused in his life and in the lives of those he was close to was way too much stress for me! My hubby works at a law firm and he is always printing FB pages for lawsuits. Sometime people expose way too much info about their lives! Yikes!
    But your thoughts and the comments here are more about how we have turned into a techno crazed world where we just take for granted people I think! I do like that I can chat and one night my friend Vivian was chatting with me and said "Call me sometime", I said ok and disconnected the FB chat Picked up the phone and we laughed for a good long time! It was wonderful. We were very good friends when we were much younger women! I always say Vivian knows things about me only God knows and I'd have to kill her if she told on me! LOL! I love her to pieces. She is an ovarian cancer survivor. she lost her mom this past year and I feel so awful I was not there for her.
    I once lost a friend I had known since we were teens due to a comment I made on FB.
    So now I chat privately and only publish quotes on my FB page.
    Great thoughts here and your honesty is very refreshing!


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